We are attracted to that which is familiar to us. Usually, that "familiarity" is a feeling we once had from our family of origin, the family we grew up with. In most, if not all cases, we can trace back the abuse sustained at the hands or the words of a significant other, to our experience in our family of origin.

Abuse, isolation, distance, and passive aggression are all examples of behaviors that result from familiar feelings that we carry with us from the families we grew up with. We stay with the abusers for many reasons, but the most common is that we are attracted to the familiar feelings aroused in us by our partners.

Therapy, Al-anon and other support networks can help to elucidate the source of those familiar feelings so that we can resolve them. When I say "resolve", I mean that we identify the abuse and the feelings that go with it, then identify the family history events that give us those familiar feelings, and then we can change how we think about those events.

Once we change how we think about the abuser, we can make a decision to change our behavior, and do so, profitably. It is also worth noting that the abuser is only repeating what he learned from his or her family, too.

Upon this realization, we may come to have empathy for others that we didn't see in this light before, and all parties concerned may have an opportunity to collaborate for a better life together.