My inspiration came from @mrgrey and his story, thank you @mrgrey for giving me the courage to share my journey from a submissive side.

Believe it or not, I wasn't always a submissive!

My journey began while I was going through a terrible divorce. I was divorcing a man that had no morals or time for his family, verbally and mentally abused me. Strangely I always thought I was the dominant person in our relationship…..yes I know, the joke was on me! My thoughts were I would never get married again or at least that is what I told myself.

How we met

As faith would have it I met a man, a real MAN! He was kind, sweet and gentle, not only to me but to my children as well. (Who could ask for more) It was nothing romantic at first and definitely not love at first sight but there was a build up…...and he had these dreamy blue eyes, you could get lost for hours staring into his eyes. We started off as friends but I quickly realized I wanted more, I never wanted to leave his side. To lift my spirits after my divorce we went out for drinks a couple of times. But there was something about him, a mystery that I could not put my finger on.

The build up

The more time we spent together the harder it was to say goodbye. I could feel myself having to tear my body away every time. There was the silent stares every now and again, I knew he was thinking something but what? I wouldn't dare ask….Then there was the occasional hug goodbye, oh he smelled so good and the firm hold made me wish he would never let go! If only he knew how I felt.

There was just one problem

He was in a relationship and it broke my heart knowing he was visiting her. Seeing them together was the worst feeling in the world. Here I was on the sideline watching him in a dishonest relationship. Yes you guest it right, she was using him! How do you tell someone their partner is using them without sounding crazy or self absorbed! Was it my place to say anything at all? But he confided in me and I finally had the chance to tell him how it was!

Stalking him

I fell for him in such a short time that I seriously thought there was something wrong with me……..when I told my mother about him she stalked his social media accounts and was sure to let me know “Any man that treats his mother with kindness in public, is worthy!” Well that said a lot coming from my mother as she has never approved any my boyfriends or my previous husband.

Finally I got my answer

The mystery finally revealed itself when we had a one on one heartfelt conversation and I could finally tell him how I felt about him. After being honest about my feelings, he told me his secret. Oh mother nature, create a giant hole and let me sink away now! BDSM – He is a dominant and it would never work between us.

What is wrong with me?

At first I thought there was something seriously wrong with me and he left me with more questions than answers! I wanted to know everything but all I got out of him is “research it” clearly this wasn't my strong suite but heck, I decided to give it a try.

The conclusion

I started doing research on BDSM. There were so many articles and some contradicted others. The more I read, the more I did not like what I was reading. Vanilla girls and BDSM doesn't mix well…..Ha I would prove them wrong!

Keep an eye out for Part 2 or follow me @crazycow