Being Grateful

For a long time I never cared about other's feelings unless it directly affected me, not realizing that all the time it was affecting me...that even the indirect reaction of not caring about someone is hazardous.

Being a new mom has brought so many feelings into light: caring unconditionally, gratefulness, acceptance, letting go of what you cannot control, and I'm sure the list will go on as I approach new challenges.

We received so much help from our friends and family; we have literally only bought a swing from craigslist and some consumables like diapers and wipes. Everything else (butt cream, socks, burp rags, diaper bags, infant carriers, crib, mattress, sheets, pack and play, blankets, clothes, shoes, strollers, carseats, car seat covers, thermometers, shampoo, towels, books, stuffed animals, baby monitor, nail clippers, brush, and that boogy sucker thing) was from the baby shower or has been handed down from cousins, friends, and even my Mom's coworkers. And I know I have left out some stuff in that long list!

One feeling I did not mention yet came as a surprise--guilt. Surprisingly, I'm able to let the guilt go. However, I don't know if that makes me a bad person, but I have felt guilty for all the times I didn't show empathy towards others, help others, comfort others, and give. I could have done so much better and now that I am giving it all for Charli, I realize how much was given to me.

I love each and every person that I've ever met. I love them for existing, for teaching me things I'm not even conscious of, and for giving whatever they gave because it got me here. I am extremely lucky to have everything that I have and I'm excited now, more than ever, to give back.