The Difficulty of Coming Out Every Day

Hello!

(sitting in the new building on campus)

Today I wanted to talk about a heavy topic. Coming out.

I could go into the story of how I first came out to my friends and family. But I'm not going to. Maybe some other day. But to paraphrase, coming out to family and friends is hard and scary, and I got lucky that they all love me the same.

However, I have learned that there is a lot more to coming out than just the first time coming out.

Coming Out to Strangers

Coming out to family and friends is one type of difficulty on its own; but coming out to strangers is another difficulty altogether. Maybe this is just me, but although it's easier to come out to strangers than it was to come out to my family, coming out to strangers is a different type of challenge.

When the topic of your personal life, love life, or sexuality comes up, you have a few options as an LGBT person. Either, you clarify that you are LGBT, pretend not to be, or just change the subject. I no longer feel happy pretending that I am not gay, and I don't usually have the grace to just change the subject. So that usually leaves me with one good option.

You might think that this would be easy for me, seeing as I'm writing about it on the internet. But YOU WOULD BE WRONG. I have a terribly difficult time articulating myself when the subject comes up in public.

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For example, I was chatting with some friends, and a grad student we work with came up and joined the conversation. We started talking about a nearby college town that has services that can deliver ice cream and cookies to you at any hour of the day. I brought up that "I love [college town] so much." The grad student then asked "oh, is it a women?"

What the frick grad student, why that question?! Why not just "What's so great about that place?" or something?

Now, although I am out of the closet and proudly gay, this question caught me off guard. Instead of being truthful about being gay, or just brushing off that part of the conversation, I stood there stammering, and then said something stupid about ice cream.

This happens to me all the time, from social settings to online gaming. I am not afraid to tell people that I am gay, nor am I ashamed of it. Maybe the hard-wiring of being in the closet so long has made me permanently afraid of that question.

(at the base of the collegiate peaks, I think)

A Hopeful Message

To those who are looking to come out of the closet, or have already done so recently, the road ahead isn't the easiest. Your days will might be filled with difficult sentences clarifying other peoples assumptions. You might feel like retreating into the closet for a while in certain situations.

But I do know several people that came out many years ago, and they have no trouble telling strangers in public when the topic comes up. So maybe it just takes time, and I have more growing to do. Maybe they are just better at it, and I won't reach their level. Who knows.

Let me know if you want to talk about this subject more down in the comments, or if you have any questions. Thanks for reading.