Hello, I'm New, and This is a Clever, Eye-catching Title

Facts :

1. My name is Matt
2. I love pizza
3. I'm the best-looking fat guy on the internet
4. I'm libertarian
5. Black bear
6. I'll probably make up some words
7. I'm studying to be an economist
8. This list is getting too long for the average attention span
9. I answer 911. A lady from another state once called to ask if mind-reading is illegal
10. Against all odds, you've persevered to the end of what some others might consider a mind-numbing waste of precious time. Thanks for that.