Video! Introducing Lila*Star in Spokenword

in #introduceyourself7 years ago (edited)

Photo on 6-30-17 at 11.45 AM.jpg

From a young age, I felt separate, an alien in consciousness
creating pain and feelings of confusion because “I do not belong here.”

I swore my identity was not made of flesh and bone.
I struggled to call Earth my home.

How I imagined the world to be was not my reflected reality.
The rejection of compassion and forgiveness was all too much too miss.
Money and success could not seduce me.
Corruption, lies, and greed controlled by corporate deeds
was the standard human feed.
This was not the place I wanted to be.
Not a soul seemed to be living truly free.

I kept fleeing, to where there was no sound of humans
caught in the net of their own lie, where suffering would not be found.
Running down the road, hoping to meet someone who was not
caught in the samsara of illusion and confusion, I kept going.

Each time, a false prophet would seduce my eager spirit and each time,
you would show me your wounded human.
Was no-one truly free? This couldn’t be!

And each time, my heart would feel a spark of inspiration
sending me in a new direction, I would give up
because something didn’t feel right.
And nothing was more real than the fear that kept me hiding,
that kept me trying to find my place and
set my stage on this planet in motion,
but like the Earth spinning,
the sun was always rising and setting somewhere,
And I was never able to grab a hold long enough
to slow down and settle,
plant roots and make a home, somewhere to call my own,
even for a moment to feel the pain I felt of human suffering.

When I walked down the street I could hear your thoughts,
And feel your feelings, and it was all mine, and it was too much to feel.
And I would fall, a terrible mess, fragile and weak, and sick again
because life was not the heavenly bodied experience I had expected.
Now the sweet embrace of nature, of mother Earth would comfort me,
but I was still alone, no bed, no home
.
I kept spinning in frustration and confusion, which way was up or down?
I couldn’t tell the sky from the ground.

Caught between the constraints of space and time,
there is nothing more painful than the purgatory of being human,
when one reality is the same as the next in this insane game.

I wasn’t buying what the mass mind says should be and ought to be.
I prayed, Dear God, please make me AWAKE and FREE.

I SURRENDER!
Please let the unconditional flow of Love direct me.

There was so much dynamic tension between who
I saw in the mirror and who I knew myself to be.
Fumbling around in the dark,
praying one day I’d find the place or person or piece
of something that reflected to me who
I was and what I was supposed to be.

Me-er than me?
Genius or delusion?

No amount of praise could quell this internal haze that saw
No mentor or teacher or story that inspired her to pick a way to be.
On the move, a cosmic gyspy, a shapeshifter
with a million masks and one face,
I changed my name like the weather,
my gender and age was neither set nor stable.
I would change clothes three times in one day,
because the 16 year old boy couldn’t wear the clothes
of an 8o year old grandmother
or 67 year old preacher man.

I seemed to be more intune with the angel realms
and dragon energy than a human entity.
I swore I wasn’t from here.

Captain Lila Star, Pleadian priestess,
Emissary of the galactic federation from 7000 years in the future,
where money and cars can only be found in the
hologram of akashic records where you’ll find relics and vestiges of ancient pasts.

There was no label or job or box that felt more real than nothing for me.
It was as if I was just a hollow shell, and only GOD could fill me.

I had no interest in participating in choosing one thing, in playing the human game,
unless I was sure that God was reffing the play.

You see, the only thing real for me was the opportunity to be a channel for divinity.
Breathe me, dance me, muse me, mystic stars of creation,
but please don’t abuse me because I am nothing without you.

I mean what if life was one big joke, and one day I awoke
and I was center stage, and I had nothing to say,
for nothing was more real than what I could feel,
And there was nothing to say!
No thing that words could describe to explain
the ineffable awe of being everything and nothing at all.

And that was my chance to live my dream of being seen,
of sharing something worth sharing,
something to claim my stake on this Earth,
and instead all that was said, was

"I AM YOU. I AM YOU.
I plead guilty of introspection, and searching
in every direction for who I truly AM.
I am no longer tendering separation and discrimination that I am not you,
yet I am too scared to be anything that might limit me from everything."

Written in 2012, I LOVE YOU, Lila*Star

You're PERFECT just the way you are.

Sort:  

@zeartul This user has abused bellyrub put 95$ bid Blacklist this account

I vouch for @lilastar as a pure soul with pure intentions :)

Amazing share, Lila!

VOTE: The top comments on ALL posts should be comments that raise you up, not put you down!

Thank you, Steemit Community!

Hi @lays hi @zeartul you have not made it clear how much is too much.... please be clear before blacklisting lilastar. She didn't mean to do anything wrong.

I recommend making a post on @bellyrub stating what the max is.

Hi @lays before i respect your demand to keep my bids under 25 dollars.... i would love to see a written confirmation that 25 sbd is the cap from @zeartul or @bellyrub. I looked on bellyrubs wall and he doesn't say that 25 sbd is the cap anywhere.

A friend supported me! I did not use bellyrub <3

@earthnation @lilastar ok max buying vote is 25$ now please care about it next time

This wonderful comment has received a bellyrub 0.05 % upvote from @bellyrub. Please make sure to vote for my pops as a witness @zeartul,Here

Yeah and this post deserves it!

welcome and very nice poem!

loving yourself... huge topic... one of the most important in life. Not so easy sometimes

This wonderful comment has received a bellyrub 0.05 % upvote from @bellyrub. Please make sure to vote for my pops as a witness @zeartul,Here

I came in like wrecking ball...take it easy lays..before prison there is a listening...please

@lilastar
Warning!!! precaution for abusing bellyrub whale you have sended 95 dollar max bid is 25 dollar if you send and abuse again with high bid your account will be black listed by bellyrub

I'll let my friend know who was supporting me!

This wonderful comment has received a bellyrub 0.05 % upvote from @bellyrub. Please make sure to vote for my pops as a witness @zeartul,Here

Very interesting! Thanks!!!

What's a Stacker?

Enjoyed the lines... Just as I liked the last one... You really look like you have answers to some questions people should be asking themselves.

Yessaiii! Agreed!

WELCOMETO STEEMIT, YOU HAVE FUN IN STEEMIT.. 😊😊😊

IAM STEEMITJAKARTA INDONESIA

Beautiful happy comment! I love you!

Welcome! It seems that you are going to have good time here ;)

Hello, you are welcome to steemit!!! I give you upvote to your post

very interesting and cool to introduce yourself through writte a wonderfull poem.Welcome to the esteemit you are amazing.. don't forget to fallow me !!!!!!

Great post @lilastar best wishes for the future.
Steemit is platform for everyone.

Yes! We are building an EcoSystem to bring in a better world for all!
we are investors in ourselves, and this is an open-source co-creation space for systems, businesses, applications, to build wealth that can be spread amongst our Steemit Democracy!

Calling @originalworks :)
img credz: pixabay.com
Nice, you got a 4.0% @minnowbooster upgoat, thanks to @earthnation
Want a boost? Minnowbooster's got your back!

You're not alone Lila ;-).

Haha, Michael Jackson song! Lila shared a "Just Steemit" meme, a Michael Jackson reference as well..

Michael is with us. His spirit continues to guide us. Thank you MJ!

The @OriginalWorks bot has determined this post by @lilastar to be original material and upvoted(1.5%) it!

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To call @OriginalWorks, simply reply to any post with @originalworks or !originalworks in your message!