I Belong Nowhere: Story of a Global Nomad

Hello fellow Steemians!

                                    

My name is David Park. Some people prefer to call me Chang Won Park (which is my Korean name), but I'll stick with David here on Steemit. Having lived in America as a foreigner for over a decade, I can say that I am a bit culturally confused. I'd like to talk about how my experience has changed me and shaped me into the person I am today.

Let me begin by expressing my gratitude towards the Steemit team on creating such a wonderful platform. From what I see so far, this attempt at making a decentralized social media platform has never been more successful. For those of who are still not all too familiar with how Steemit works, you can think of it as a social media platform that allows people to make money by posting good content. Instead of having all the money you deserve from your effort go to big centralized companies *cough* F#c#book *cough* , you can claim that money yourself and also motivate other users to like and decide what is a quality content and what isn't! Awesome.

That said, I am excited to join the Steemit community still in its early stage and have an opportunity to contribute to the community what I have to offer.

Childhood in Champaign, IL

Our family moved from Seoul, South Korea to Illinois back when I was 6 years old. We lived in Champaign for about 3 years while my father finished his master's degree in mechanical engineering at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. I still think to this day that those 3 years were the best time of my life. I was a happy and energetic child, free from all worries and burdens of life.

Here's a picture of me and my sister during our time in Champaign (I know, small eyes)

         

Even though I was a child, I have vivid memories of the good times I had in Champaign. The skies were bluer than I could have ever imagined, and the endless trees surrounded the air with fresh scent. Naturally, being a child, learning the language was not much of a problem. Even when I ran into difficulties communicating with  my friends in preschool, I found my way around. 

Quick story: There was a girl in my class named Jennifer that I liked. My means of communication? A sketchbook with a few squiggles suggesting her to come play with the fake snow with me. Haha I know, this still cracks me up when I think about it.

After three happy years, our family moved back to Korea after my father finished his master's. We were back in the heart of Seoul, where lights never go out and busy people filled the crowded streets. It was a big change of scenery from Champaign where everything was so quiet and peaceful—I remember immediately wanting to return to America.

Seoul at night

               

Back in Seoul

Even after coming back to Korea, I continued to speak in English with my family. Believe it or not, my father forced me to speak in English although Korean was my mother tongue, and often times physically beat me when he caught me speaking in Korean to my mother or sister. He didn't want me and my sister to have our times in the states go to waste, and I guess it was his way of educating us and have us speak English fluently.

My father

I know that a lot of you might read this and say that forcing a child to speak another language and beating him is not right. And I agree with you. As you could imagine, English wasn't the only thing my father was strict about. He even beat me when I didn't wipe the bathroom mirror after water being splashed on it from using the bathroom sink. Having been yelled at and beat by my father throughout my childhood, I did grow some anger and hatred towards him deep down in my heart. But what could I do... he was my father in the end and I still loved him. I know that whatever he did was because he wanted the best for me and because he loved me.

Scars

His way of expressing his care and love was what was wrong, and to be honest it isn't something to be proud of. However, a lot of the anger and hatred I had towards my father disappeared when I heard a shocking news from my mother when I was in high school. Starting from that moment, I grew apart from merely looking at my dad as just a father figure. I learned that he, too was also another individual, just as myself, going through his life, hardships, and struggles.

What I heard from my mother couldn't justify the way he treated me as a child, but I could at least understand my father and look at him objectively. He was a man with deep scars in his heart.

It would be great if I could tell you in detail what I heard from my mother, but I do not want to fully disclose family matters that are too sensitive to write here. however, I can tell you that ever since then, I could look at my father from a more objective standpoint and forgive him for the ways he treated me.

Back in the Midwest

I was attending a college-prep private school in Saint Louis, MO when I heard that news about my father. After returning from Champaign, IL and finishing 6 years of elementary school in Korea, I convinced my parents to send me back to the states to study abroad. Not only did I want to get away from my father, but I also wanted to re-live my memories in Champaign and surround myself in a better environment. When applying to the school, I made a 2 hour long self-interview video. It even had a short clip of me playing the cello and me talking about historical figures that I admire—I know, pretty cliché.

But it worked, and I entered Thomas Jefferson School in Saint Louis, MO as a 8th grader. I was back in the Midwest, and I finally felt that I was no longer under my father's hood. I could feel myself become more relaxed and happy, and finally began to form an identity for myself. I was in heaven, or so I thought.

Photo of Thomas Jefferson School

                

Finding myself

I didn't know what was ahead of me, but that was what made it more exciting. Thankfully, I didn't feel much of a language barrier while I took classes at Thomas Jefferson School, and I'd like to credit most of that to my father. I became more confident and generally more happy as I spent more time away from my parents. I think that people generally form a lot of the foundation for their identity and values in life during middle school and high school. A lot of it stems from the way your parents educate you, interact with you, and treat you mainly because they are the people that you spend most of your time with. For me, I feel that a lot of my values were formed when I was attending boarding school and spending time away from my parents.

Being a liberal arts school, the school focused its education primarily on classical education. Our curriculum included languages like ancient Greek, Latin, French, and Italian and literature ranging from the old testament to Henry David Thoreau's Walden. Much of my ability to think critically and have a voice for myself came from my time at TJ.

The school only had an average of 13 students per class and a total of about 80 students from grade 7 through 12, and it was only natural that all students, regardless of their class, and all faculty members felt like family to me. This is a story worth another blog post, but on a side note, I was a kid that weighed 200+ pounds in my Junior year—I guess the school fed me well with their breakfast, lunch, and dinner buffet. I lost about 40 pounds within 8 months after I decided that I needed to do something about my health, not by eating less or fasting, but through working out and eating healthy (I ate a lot, too). I will make a blog post in the future about the process I went through along with my workout routine + diet.

Here's a picture of me now

                                                            

During junior year, I became student vice president and quickly following that, student president in my senior year. I was completely comfortable in my environment and felt that I belonged there from the beginning. I went from being a suppressed and unhappy kid to a confident and optimistic individual.

First year of college

After graduating from high school, I went on to attend college at University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Yes. The same place I was at during preschool. After taking classes as a journalism major for 2 semesters, I decided that I wanted to switch my major to advertising.

For those of you who do not know, every South Korean male citizen has to finish a mandatory military service of about 2 years. Most Koreans who study abroad choose to either finish college and go straight to the military, or complete freshman year and take a leave for 2 years for their service. I chose the latter and returned to Korea to complete my service after being accepted to transfer into advertising. My first year of college didn't feel much different from the time I had at Thomas Jefferson School, probably because I was at a boarding school and I have been living on my own for a while. Nonetheless, I had a great time and was a bit saddened by the fact that I won't be able to come back for the next two years.

Reporting for duty

After many years living away from my parents, I finally came back to stay in Korea for some time. I did come back to Korea during winter and summer breaks while I was in high school, but not for longer than 2 months at a time. Although I did come back once in a while, it felt weird to be back for good for at least 2 years. I remember before going to the army thinking, 'I'll never want to come back to live in Korea. I feel more comfortable living in the states than I do here.' My values and identity, I felt, were formed through my experience in the states, not in Korea.

After initial training and some examinations, I went on to become a drill sergeant for the 30th Mechanized Infantry Division initial training post. I didn't think I could become a drill sergeant taking on new cadets and training them. Who am I to teach and train all these cadets how to behave and how to battle after living abroad and away from Korea culture for so many years? I was however assigned to the position, and I my 2 years of service began.

Photo of me (on the left) with other sergeants

Being in the army and training soldiers how to throw grenades and shoot assault rifles sounds dangerous, and it really was. During my 2 year service, I had to deal with several cadets losing their sh*t on the shooting range and accidentally pointing their loaded rifles towards me. A lot of cadets actually commit suicide or get injured during 8 weeks of initial training, but none of that appears on Korean media. I personally haven't seen anyone die during training, but my condolences to all those who unfortunately sacrificed their lives. Being in Korea and getting in touch with my roots helped learn a great deal about my culture that I missed out on during childhood although it was a very difficult time. I felt that I came out stronger than ever after finishing my service.

Back again!

Returning to school and getting used to the environment was much harder than I thought it would be. Being locked up behind fences without cellphones or laptops for over 2 years (we did get leaves though), even the thought of returning to America and going to school to study excited me. However, reality hit me hard once I came back. Not only was it harder for me study after being away from school for 2 years, I had a strange feeling that I hadn't felt before.

Staying in Korea for 2 years changed me. Before my service, I had thought all along that I was no longer 'Korean' and that I was completely submerged in American culture. I even thought that I didn't belong in Korea anymore. This might be difficult for some people to grasp, but going back and forth from country to country can sometimes be hard. Although I came in touch with my inner Korean after service, I wasn't fully Korean. My friends from elementary school call me a foreigner every time we have a reunion—I don't know, maybe because of the way I talk, the way I think about certain subjects, or my gesture. But one thing was for sure. I wasn't American either.

Where I belong

What I felt after returning to school was the racial segregation between students at our university. I don't know if this applies to other schools in the states as well, but I feel that there's a systematic segregation in place that people tend to ignore. This isn't to say that people are racist or treat each other differently solely because of their race. I tend to think that this is a matter of cultural difference and also the difference in values each culture inherently have. I suddenly felt that I no longer belong anywhere, and that my cultural identity is mixed up and somewhere in between the midst of all. After spending all those years away from my parents at a boarding school and finally returning to experience the things I had missed out on in a quick 2 years, I felt more mixed up than ever.

I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing, because this also means that I know and understand and appreciate both cultures. Nonetheless, I got used to school again after being back for one semester, and spent my time wisely at school participating in student organizations and student projects.

Advertising and Informatics

The following year, I decided to declare a minor in informatics. I had been deeply interested in the IT industry, and wanted to leverage my skills in advertising to get my foot into IT. For the past two years, I have been watching the cryptocurrency market and investing in Bitcoin and other alt coins. After taking some computer science courses at University of Illinois, my roommate and I began drawing up ideas to start a peer to peer bitcoin exchange in South Korea. We are currently in our early development stage, and we are excited to see where the project goes.

Where I am now

After switching majors, finishing my mandatory military service, and then taking on a minor in informatics, I feel that my journey is taking me to a clearer destination as I take these paths in my life although I still feel that I do not belong anywhere. Most people, including successful entrepreneurs, probably ask themselves every day whether or not the path they are taking right now is the right one. I didn't think I could adjust well in the Korean military, nor did I think that I would ever become interested in the fin-tech industry. I am throwing myself at situations and things that interest me, and constantly struggling to work my way through to it wherever my destination may be.

Currently I am running a crpytocurrency news blog that provides news in Korean to Korean readers, and also working on the Korean P2P bitcoin exchange project with my team. This might seem small and insignificant to some of the readers that are reading my post, but I do think that these are small but steady steps I am taking to make the best of the knowledge and experience I have from both cultures.

Here's a quote from Henry David Thoreau's Walden: 

 "I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."

As Thoreau says, I feel that no matter where you are in your point of life, you should follow your dreams and have faith in every step you take towards your dream however unclear your destination may seem right now.

To sum it all up

I still have a long way to go in terms of the dreams and achievements I want to make in life, but I'd like to think that this is only part of the process. This post was an overall introduction to who I am, and I hope to contribute to the Steemit community through providing contents that are worthwhile and exciting to read.

Working out and cooking are some of my favorite past times, so I'll be sure to also make posts about my workout routines and failed attempts at cooking along with my other posts.

I thank the steemit team again for providing a place for me to record my journey.

Thank you Steemians for reading through my post!