after 3 months, a peek into my life

Greetings steemians,
Got to say i’ve tried to write this post too many times since i joined this great community 3 months ago, and the result was always the same, lot of pieces of paper wrinkled on the trash. I have always been the reserved/silent kind of person… that makes it a bit difficult to describe myself to others, specially people i don’t know.

Well, after all those attempts, i gave up for a while and tried to start posting, getting to know some people and get noticed by the kind of content i posted, have to remark that in the time i’ve been on this planet never before, used or maintained a blog, so as you probably guessed already, i made a handful of newbie mistakes, silly newcomer mistakes that in the end made it even more difficult to write this introduction, i wasn’t proyecting at all what i wanted people to know about me, so everything came crashing down and once again i was in the start line.

I got frustrated and abandoned my account for a couple of weeks, when i returned the steem dollar Price was incresed a lot, when i made my account it was worth like 1,071 USD or something like that and then surprise, surprise it was over 10 USD each, i even made a stupid post about it showing my excitement for the jump in did in just 2 weeks of absence.

What i’ll write in the next paragraphs, is something i feel very ashamed and guilty about, but for the sake of truth, to regain my self-respect and to be able to keep up and start over in this community, it has to be said… for the space of a week or so, i used upvote bots to promote very low quality content, it wasn’t many times, but i wont get that as an excuse, as small thieve and a bank robber are the same, its just a matter in numbers, the fault is the same.

As i said before i was very frustrated about my first month failures posting, i missunderstood completely the whole idea of what steemit was meant to be, for me it was just like a facebook, that the content didn’t really matter as long as it generates an audience, so that added up to the upvote bots and the Price steem dollars were at, made me lose completely the way for a short lapse.

Thats when @Steemcleaners and @grumpycat started sweeping the upvote bot list of “clients”, flagging the abusers… i even got pissed about it, thinking something like “this are my steem dollars, they were really hard to make, so what do they care how i use them if it doesn’t affect them at all”

So yes, again i fell back and just spectated for a few days, but when the anger started cooling down i tried to put myself in the shoes of the Money investors and the hardworker posters all around there, i know what is to run a shop and lose most of the customers for lazy people that just sit in the other side of the street selling the same stuff you do but cheaper, because they don’t pay taxes or basic services of any kind(i know the example isn’t very accurate, but is the best i have), so then i felt even more ashamed and guilty, because thats exactly what i was doing, kind of boycotting good posters by getting visibility in very poor posts, i remember i even said to myself “this is exactly the way drug dealers and criminals think, that as long as they use “their Money” they can do as much havoc as they want”. So to verify i became a spectator and started checking what kind of posts where being flagged, and overall what kind of posts did people pay to promote using this services.

What i found was very poor content, a photo, a quote, even posts with nothing but a phrase and nothing more, in most of the cases it was just google copy paste with no quote of the real authors, and below them in the trend with barely none upvote there were very good posts buried in the spam, at the beggining it was difficult, just go down in the history checking post by post, then i discovered the steembottracker.com page made by mr @yabapmatt, thanks for your work.

I’m very grateful with @grumpycat and @steemcleaners for that wake up call, they made me open my eyes before i fell down the hole and become into something i don’t want to be. Now my eyes are where they need to be and i think im ready to try it again, but this time with the knowledge i have acquired from my mistakes… btw i wasn’t punished with any flag, i know a normal person wouldn’t put the ass up to get shot this way, but i can’t start over with skelletons in the closet, so if i must be punished so be it.

Well, i have talked a lot about my experiences in this trip that i hope is only beggining, even with the mistakes i made i have met a lot of great and friendly persons here, so no matter how shy or reserved i might be, as a sign of respect to them and to everybody else, now i’ll talk a bit about myself.

Well, here we go,
I’m a Young man of 26 years old, I am from Venezuela, my mother language is spanish, so i want to apologize in advance if you find some mistakes in my writtings, I have studied computer ingeneering, but currently im not working in that field, the economy in this place is very damaged and it doesn’t allow you to work in what you want but in what you find, if you are lucky enough to get a job, this is a very long story, so i’ll try to take just the important spots…

I’ve been working since i was 12 years old, worked in livestock, raising cows, pigs, chickes and lambs. I have sown corn and Straw for animal feeding, orange, mango, coconut, avocado, pineaples and coofee trees, in resume a lot of agriculture. I have worked at a liquor store, at a convenience store(idk if that is the name for that), i have also worked in construction, in deposits loading and unloading stuff from trucks, even a bit of mechanics with my dad, and then my current jobs, i work at a meat store and as freelancer fixing computers, i used to write software, but never got paid for it so it doesn’t count as a job, the experience counts though.. well at least that was until my computer died in march of past year due to electric failures my country has as a regular everyday thing. Now i burrow my Little brother computer sometimes to post lol.

I consider myself as a permanent student, im always looking for something new to learn, i hate being ignorant, hmm i don't watch tv, i read a lot, so have beed accumulating a vast ammount of knowledge about a lot of fields and subjects, but got to say my favorites are history, ancient history the kind of you don’t find in regular universal history books, i love solving problems, maths, physics, any kind of problem… i like playing chess, when i was younger i used to play a lot of videogames, but at some point i burned that stage, if i ever play something now is probably an strategy or something like that.

I was raised catholic, but since Little i have been very analytic, i don’t like to settle down with an opinión just because “X” person with a bit of credibility said so. In any problem i get into, i like to put the background upside down and see if what im being sold is really what it claims to be. I studied in catholic school, so i can say from first hand that even if they are few, there are very kind persons, that really act as the religion teaches, very spiritual and wise persons, but the church as a whole, looked to me more as a bussiness and opinion molder as an spiritual guide. So in my teens i was pretty much agnostic, meaning i believe in GOD, but not in any religion itself.

A few years ago, a book reached my hands, that i must say it changed my life and the way i interact with my surroundings in a good way, it was a book of metaphysics.

for avoiding missunderstandings i must clarify some things, why i talk about this in an introduction post, the reason is very simple. The communist dictatorship my country is sink into, is very older than hugo chavez, it comes from the 1960’s in gestation, in execution started in the 1980’s with its final consolidation in 1992, i was born in 1991, so i dont really know what is like to live in a free country. To grow in a place like this, full of violence and injustice, sometimes makes you question yourself even the existence of GOD. And that book gave me exactly that, some realization, it was a compass to find a way, something to grab to and don’t give up, I was a really negative person, my childhood was full of fights with kids of my age and sometimes not few, with older and bigger ones too, thats how i learned to defend myself, but since most people around my age started becoming criminals of different kinds one after the other non stop, thieves, addicts, drug dealers, etc… at some point i started seeing everybody as a potential enemy, i lived out many years full of anger, the knowledge hidden in that book made me understand that what i really felt was a form of fear, disguised as anger.

At present i can say i don’t regret anything about my life, the experience i obtained even from the bad experiences, or specially from the bad ones, is just priceless. Now im a strong person a bit cutious or prudent, but my character softened a bit and my attitude improved a lot, so does my security, which allow me to create healthy and beautyful friendship relationships with people all over the world, now i value everything and everyone that comes to my life in good to enrich, or enlighten, have even been able to help a few persons to get out of the prisons they constructed for themself, like the one i used to be into.

Well, thats pretty much all of it, i dont know what more i can say about myself lol, oh yeah well, i do a lot of excercises, i love martial arts and meditation. I live as close to truth and justice as posible to maintain clean the honor inherited from my ancestors. I think thats all, it doesn’t come to mind any other relevant spots at this moment.

To end, i just want to thank all the people that has supported me since i arrived to this platform 3 months ago, knowing practically nothing about blogging or crypto-currencies at all. I have learned so much in this short time, im very grateful and i hope i can keep making a lot of friends in this nice place from all over the world.

I know it was a bit long, so thanks for taking the time to read my introduction, i love you all, see you around and long life to steemit.