You know who I am. 

I've decided it's finally time to start getting more directly involved in the community. Ever since the dawn of time, people have been asking me to prove that I exist. I've never really cared to prove anything, but rest assured I have a plan. Yeah, definitely I've planned everything for everyone's life - even the shitty things. We have some great project management tools up here, very user friendly, and they integrate with our PRM (Prayer Relations Management) system quite nicely. 

So here's some Frequently Asked Questions about me. 

Are you, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost the same person?

I know this is a tough one for the human brain to wrap itself around. Think about it this way: Originally I was only the admin account, and Jesus was basically my main account but he got banned for continued anti-semitic comments. They were mostly misinterpreted. Now I handle both duties. 

The Holy Ghost is closer to a throwaway account. When I want to set bushes on fire and project my voice to really make people shit their pants for something that they did that I REALLY didn't like - that's what I use Holy Ghost for. 

Why didn't you answer my prayer?

Well, your prayer was probably stupid and/or self serving. Do you have any idea the number of people that have prayed for Colin Kaepernick's death in the last month? How does that even make sense to all of you? You can't pray to a benevolent being that someone else dies. Don't wish bad things on people in your prayers and you might have a CHANCE. Besides, he seems like a pain in the ass I don't need him up here until he calms down. The last time I had to deal with a protest from this guy Lou it got pretty nasty. 

Oh and if I let everyone win the lottery that asked your share would actually be worth less than this Steemit post.

Should we interpret everything in the bible literally?

I didn't even write the bible. Not me, not Jesus, not the Holy Ghost. Just follow the parts you like and ignore the parts you don't. As long as you remember that I'm the one ultimately in charge, and to apologize for everything you do profusely you'll be fine. 

That's me in a nutshell. 

That's the quick version. Going forward please know that all prayers are public domain, and I may share them on here. If you found yourself doubting my authenticity at any point in this e-mail, you need to say 3 Our Fathers, and one Hail Mary. Otherwise leave a comment below - the community on here are significantly smaller than the community out there and your shitty self serving requests have a much better chance at getting answered on here than the ones you ask me for during turbulence on an airplane.

God out.