A search for purpose.

Hello Humanity!

   I feel so honored to be given the opportunity to share my life's purpose with the Steemit community. I honestly believe this platform has such revolutionary potential, and I eagerly look forward to witnessing its evolution. Thank you so very much for taking the time to receive my story.

   The name is Apollo. I come to you today with a raging fire in my belly, a fire of PURPOSE. I am on a mission, a mission with the future generations of life in mind. I want to be a walking encyclopedia on sustainable living and regenerative practices. I need to obtain the knowledge and resources necessary to manage the creation and development of Permaculture designed Ecovillages. I want to be able to go anywhere on the planet and establish these regenerative communities, so that the people can heal themselves and the land they walk on. . The support I will be getting from platforms like Steemit, and other honorable ways of generating resources, will all be focused on my mission to gain the knowledge needed for my path. For example, any resources I get will be directed towards attending workshops and courses, assistance with ecovillage tours, acquiring more advanced media equipment so I can further capture my learning process, enabling others to learn with me.

This fire in my belly has not always been present. It accumulated throughout the course of my life.

   I grew up in a lower-middle class family in Amarillo, Texas. My parents divorced when I was around eight. I had a pretty average childhood while bouncing back and forth from my mom and dad. My parents supported me the best way they could and gave me plenty of love. I have four brothers, one older, the rest younger. I was the shy kid that stayed in the background for most of my adolescent life. The breaking out of my shell did not occur until I was two years into high school. I then started to find passions for fitness, martial arts, nutrition, and girls of course. I even got to work several modeling gigs for a local agent in town. My life at that time revolved around these values, I was trying to find myself, I was seeking purpose.

   One day I had a conversation with a friend that sat in front of me in economics class. We were discussing our plans for after we graduated high school. He proceeded to inform me that most of his collage would be paid for. My friend told me he was going to go on adventures, and to serve a purpose with pride. He would have all the ladies he could want because of how badass he would be. This opportunity provided him with security and financial stability.

My friend was training to becoming a United States Marine.

   At that time in my life, I found all of these realities to be quite appealing. My Seventeen year old mind was very attracted to the idea of honorably serving my country, to be transformed into a warrior and make a positive impact on the world I lived in. I thought society would respect me for my courage. 

“So buddy, how do I become a Marine?” I asked.

Thus began a ruthless journey of self discovery.

   I started attending weekly workouts at the recruiting station with other future recruits, and I formed friendships with the recruiters. I was hanging out at the station even when I didn't need to be there. I was focused on my goal to become apart of the brotherhood. This went on for a little more than half a year. I graduated high school with only a short two months before my ship date to boot camp.

I thoroughly enjoyed those two months, but deep down I was scared. I was afraid of the unknown. 

   As the weeks turned into days before my ship date, I was preparing myself for 13 weeks of hell on earth. I was still scared and nervous, but I felt ready. Ready to give myself to this. It was such a interesting point in my life. I had such a vision of who I was going to be. I was going to serve and protect people all over the world and defend against evil. I wanted to be a hero.

   I savored my time with family and friends. The day before my departure I said my goodbyes and headed to New Mexico where I was to fly to San Diego. There on the bay, with downtown in the background, lies the land where Marines are made. Waiting to get picked up by the buses to go stand on the infamous yellow footprints was pure torture. Finally the buses arrived and we all loaded up.

.

The next three months of my life showed me many things.

I could go on forever about my whole boot camp experience, but I rather save that for another time, and instead describe what i gained from it all.

   I obtained from U.S.M.C. boot camp many beneficial things. Such as discipline, the ability to perform under pressure, increased endurance and strength, basic rifleman-ship, basic combat  maneuvers, combat first aid, leadership, teamwork, and it gave my will power a boost in stamina. I felt I was apart of something greater than myself.

   Graduation day was so satisfying. Seeing the look on my parents faces as i marched my last steps on the parade deck. They were proud of me. I accomplished something in my life, it felt good.

   The plan after boot camp was to return home for ten days of “boot leave”. I was really excited to be home, to have that freedom of civilian life again. My time home was extended because me and many other young marine were fortunate to receive recruiters assistance for another twenty one days on top of my original ten days of leave. Where I basically went to the recruiters station Monday through Friday to help the recruiters scout out potential recruits. 

My extra time home flew by. Next thing I knew, I’m on a plane back to San Diego to get on a bus headed to Camp Pendleton. 

   I was to go through S.O.I.(school of infantry) to learn how to be a true rifleman. When I signed a portion of my life to the marines, I had to choose from a selection of M.O.S.’s(military occupational specialties(jobs)). I chose 0311(rifleman), which is the grunt. The tip of the spear, the guy kicking down doors. My specific job contract was a five year active duty, beginning with a couple of years in security forces. I actually got selected in boot camp to get screened for presidential duty(for ex. the Marine that salutes the president as he gets off of air force one). It was quite the experience being interviewed by high officials and having private investigators interview your neighbors, family, friends, and teachers. They wanted to make sure I could be trusted, for the top secret security clearance I was going to get for the job. The screening seemed to have went smoothly.

   Back to my new phase of training. I was there at S.O.I. for a week when Christmas break hit. There we are, fresh marines ready to train from being home so long, but instead we are being told we have to return home or stay and do nothing for another week during the holidays. 

Now you have to take into account the psychological impact this has on a young mind. 

   I remember one of the recruiters laughed as he saw me come back for the holiday break. “You are going to be one fucked up grunt boy”, he said shaking his head. I instantly knew what he was talking about. The feeling was already present in my heart.

   Before I continue the story with my huge shift of destiny, I want to make it clear that I'm NOT trying to disrespect any military personnel. I'm here merely to express my experience.  

   Since boot camp I intuitively felt something out of place. I felt something off about this military industrial complex. I was being conditioned to take orders without question. The Marines were cultivating a killer out of me. They were attempting to harness my blind patriotic rage. Everything we did was to exterminate the enemy. We were being fed a cut throat mentality of kill or be killed. This was all very conflicting with who I was and what I valued.

   I just wanted to bring about positive change in the larger community, but it was becoming apparent to me that the military might not be the best path for me to achieve this. I had too many questions, I wanted to know why i'm killing these people, why were are really here? I demanded to know the truth for why these so called “terrorists” were trying to kill me. Why do they hate us so much? What were we doing to cause such hate? My holistic mind frame was resisting this transition. It was telling me something. I needed to come to a decision, listen to my intuition, or ignore it.

What would you do in the shadow of such a mistake?

   I was not aware of what I am now regarding the U.S. military industrial complex. So I was purely guided by my feelings and intuition. This was a very dark period in my life. I felt so conflicted. Was I just being a coward, that was too scared of what the results of my choices would be? Or was there something bigger here? Was my intuition trying to tell me something? Telling me to alter my whole life’s direction for the better.

I believe it was a blend of both. I was scared that I had made a huge mistake, but I could not ignore this feeling.

   Returning back to the U.S.O. in San Diego was such a stressful ordeal. I remember sitting down with two of my good friends from boot camp that were in the same company as I. We all discussed how we were all feeling about returning to training. We were feeding off each other's misery, we were trying to support each other as best we could. Things began to escalate quickly. In a climax of confusion our fractured minds decided to take a taxi to the ghetto of the city to try and score some cannabis to intentionally return to training with the THC in our bloodstream.

Why do that you ask? At that time I felt this to be the fastest way to get discharged, and I was looking to get out as soon as possible to avoid digging myself a deeper hole. 

It was a very intense adventure doing all of this. We completed our objective and headed back to Camp Pendleton only a hour late.

I had decided to wait until we had to take a urine analysis to get discharged.

The next week was hectic. As we returned, that night, things began to change.

    As we all laid in bed I heard pounding footsteps running toward the restrooms. A scream echoed through the squad bay. Everyone was wide awake as one of the sergeants turned on the lights. It turns out, all that commotion was one of the sergeants stopping a young marine from killing himself. He had hung a rope on the toilet paper holder and had thrown it over the other side to strangle himself. The sergeant got there just in time to cut the rope. 

I also personally witnessed a suicide attempt.

   In the middle of guard duty when everyone was asleep, I saw from across the building in the other squad bay, a young marine slowly walking up towards me. As he drew closer I noticed blood coming from both of his hands. We rushed to go grab the night watch, and they were able to save his life. In my opinion, that young man did not want to take his life, he just wanted to get as far away from that place as possible.

Each day more and more young marines dropped out of the company.

   There is a clear reason why around a third of the company dropped out. That much time home during the initial phases of training caused our minds to drift further away from our commitment to the military.     I couldn't wait any longer for the piss test. I gave in and approached my chain of command. I remember my first sergeant laughing at me as he read me my rights.

The next month I was basically the marine’s bitch. Sitting on my butt in a separation platoon doing maintenance around the base. I had tons of time to reflect on what I had done and what I was going to do when I got out.

   I can still vividly recall the memories of my first days as a civilian. It felt good to be home, but at that point I was feeling a tremendous amount of shame. I failed in being a marine, I was a lowlife that had to try and make it in this world somehow. As time passed I was able to cope the best way I could. Making many attempts working corporate jobs for money, while I stayed at my dad's house. In the eyes of society I was failure. I lived with this for a couple of years. 

Until I met this woman.

   I can see it now as if it was yesterday. I was helping my co worker at the restaurant I was working at. We were having a great conversation about how she feels alienated here. She stopped right before she was about to say something and said,”oh, never mind, I don't want you to think I'm crazy.” I replied ,”no, it is okay, you can tell me anything” The next year of my life, was jammed packed full of growth.

   @kotamdickson shared with me many ideas that caused my mind to hyper accelerate. We talked about vibration, frequencies, the laws of attraction, and many other topics that gave me cognitive dissonance and altered my perception. It was because of the seeds of consciousness that were planted in my mind by Kota, that I was able to take my life in a whole new direction. Me and Kota hold a connection that no one can replicate for me. Our relationship has shown us many things, and I remain forever grateful for her light.

I began researching everything I could, in an effort to educate myself based on these values that were developing within me

I found out many things for myself about the military industrial complex I failed to serve in. I became aware that the majority of wars are extremely influenced by corporate profit schemes. In many cases(especially in the U.S.) corporations lobby politicians so they can pass bills to invade foreign lands in effort to exploit the natural resources of undeveloped nations. It is my opinion that this type of corruption is highly prevalent in our government. These new ideas on the military gave me some much needed relief from the shame that I had been living with.

It was becoming obvious to me that this planet is being heavily exploited for profits gained by the wealthiest of humans. I started to realize that the world I live in is keeping me dependent. I was raised in a culture that indoctrinates you to be smart enough to do your job, but not smart enough to question anything. Question the life we have been told to live. The whole go to school(debt), get a job(to pay off debt), get a house(more dept), and get married to make babies so that you can teach them the same life. I don't ever remember in school us being taught how to grow our own food, how to build a house, how to create our own energy, how to care for the land, and how to be independent. I was fed academia that educated me to a degree, but kept me dependent on huge corporations that were destroying the Earth to supply me my basic necessities.

   The culture I was living in was breeding a competitive individual out me. I was pushed away from true community with my fellow humans. I was told to try and possess material things to show how successful I was. The bigger and better my material possessions were, the more successful I was.

I did not vibe with this at all.

All of this got me thinking. Okay, I know all of these horrible things wrong with society, that I could go on forever about, but what do I do about it? What are solutions to all of these issues?

At this point in my life I started shifting my thought patterns to be more solution orientated.

In the midst of all my research, I found the term sustainability. This in turn lead me to the word ecovillage.

   Wow, ecovillages. The meaning behind this word meant that there were places on this earth that were trying to live by values I resonated with. Where are these places? How do I get more involved? 

The search for the answers to my questions brought me to the nearest ecovillage five hours south of me. There south of Dallas, Texas, was a place called @gardenofeden . It was a ecovillage in the making. It sounded perfect.

After stalking their website and facebook page for four months, I finally gathered up the courage to drop my life and go live in a ecovillage. I took a bus to Dallas to meet the people of this land I had grown to respect. My beloved Kota even found herself attracted to this place. She would later join me in living this new way of life. Having her there played a vital role in my existence on the land.

There I was, on this small plot of land with these amazing people that were living their values to their fullest. @quinneaker was the founder of this new paradigm. The consciousness that this man possessed was mind blowing. The realities that he exposed me to, completely altered my mind frame. I am forever grateful for this man and all that he has done for me. It would be futile to further describe my experience with him, for it is just something that one must experience first hand.

   I had developed a sense of tribe with all of the primary inhabitants. @inokalrutz, @everlove, @saramiller, and @loveon were very supportive in my evolution. There were many people that had come through the G.O.E. that made an impact on my life, you know who you are, you are not forgotten. I have forged bonds with these humans, these bonds will last throughout eternity.

I forged strong bonds with Quinn and Inok’s two children, Qiqi and Noki. These Young souls are prime examples of the potential that we humans have. If we raise our children to be embowered beings, the world would be a much different place. Seeing the light come from these children’s hearts, restored in me massive amounts of hope for humanity.

I gained many tangible skills as well with my time there. Such as organic gardening, Cobb experience in natural building, basic husbandry, sustainable trash construction, but most important of all i gained social experience. Which included non violent communication, conflict resolution, and a heightened sense of what healthy community is. These are all super valuable things to me that I was able to learn on my terms.

As time passed, I had increasingly felt called to spread my wings a fly away. To go see all the other ecovillages of the world and to learn as much as I could from as many people as possible. I wanted to be a Renaissance Man on sustainability.

   The time finally came after a little under two years of service to the G.O.E. when I announced I would be leaving the Garden of Eden to go give my blood, sweat, and tears to people all around the world that are trying to live by my values. I was not completely sure how I was going to accomplish this, but I knew I had to try. 

Then like a gift from the universe, I received a message. This Message was sent from the director of GreenFire Ecoministry. They got wind of my announcement. This was a non denominational church that focused on the principles of deep ecology, earth stewardship, and ecovillage development. I usually stayed away from major religions, but this “ecoministry” was a bit different. I began to talk with @greenfiresteem over the phone, and we arranged for me to fly out to Colorado to meet the team.

   My last moments in the G.O.E. were bittersweet. It was very hard for me to say goodbye to Kota. We had spent all this time together building a new life, but we both knew it was time for me to go.

   I landed at GreenFire’s headquarters and I was welcomed with open arms. I instantly felt connected with the team. My integration into this community was effortless. This was home base.

Greenfire wanted me to serve as the communities ambassador. I was to travel to ecovillages to "connect the resources with the resourceful”(Greenfire’s motto). My mission was to build relationships, collect media, blog, give these places some resources that I would have on me, and of course learn as much as I could.

I was even given the seventy two hour Geoff Lawton Online Permaculture Design Course, which served as a huge milestone in my education. I now look at the land with completely different eyes. Permaculture showed me a REAL logical solution to many problems we face today. 

What a insane gift I was being given. It is absolutely phenomenal to reflect on the fact that I was given a vehicle to accomplish what I had already aspired to achieve.

GreenFire launched me on my first ever ecovillage tour early summer this year. I was sent out to travel the east coast hitting all the major ecovillages along the way. I was able to visit my mother and brothers in Georgia, then I went to the Ecovillage Training Center at The Farm in Tennessee for two months. After that I hitched a ride to Asheville, North Carolina. I visited many sustainable scenes in that area, including a major ecovillage, Earthaven.

I would love to go into more details about my adventures to these places. I have been blogging while traveling. All my post have been posted on our website, so I will be sure to cross pollinate Greenfire with Steemit very soon.

My trip was cut short because the team back at headquarters needed my help. I flew back to Colorado to lend my assistance. 

While off tour, I got to revisit the Garden of Eden for two weeks after nine months of being away. It was very clear how much I had grown. I thoroughly enjoyed my blast from the past. As I returned to Colorado I felt a huge transition take place. I sit here now with that fire I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Its burning brighter than ever before. I can feel the passion flow through my veins. My time off tour has given me the opportunity to establish more of my resource bank. I want to have my tours as self funded as possible. The modern world we live in has given rise to many ways to generate revenue and resources. That is why Steemit is such a revolutionary platform. This wonderful Block chain has the potential to supply me with the resources necessary to reach my goal that talked about at the beginning of my rant.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my life story. This is the very first time I have been this transparent publicly. I will always be tremendously grateful to get any support for my cause, and I will ensure all donations will feed directly into my mission. I have already given my life to be in service to this planet and all the life on it. I truly hope we can all find our purpose in life, but I more importantly hope we can all cooperate and help each other fulfill our purposes. For we can only save this world with the combined energy of everyone. We must realize that separation is the ultimate illusion, we must see that WE ARE ONE.

May you all have a glorious day!

Much Love,

Apollo.