The Cynical Idealist

I started writing five years ago. Sure, I had written my whole life--a page here, a journal entry there. But, never anything that took a huge amount of my life. It never had become my passion--or my drive. It had always seemed to elude me, and never became a need.

But, once I finally began, I discovered that I felt alive for the first time in my life. I felt centered, in control, and determined. I know longer felt like I was floating around in my existence. There was something within me that clawed its way out of the apathy of life.

The story I wrote, fell into the genre of "romance" because it was about two people falling in love. But, that wasn't how I saw it. It wasn't about having a book filled with freaky sex, and the whole me Tarzan, you Jane mindset. It was individuals falling in love, and learning about themselves along the way. You know, how the idealist part of me saw the world, and assumed everyone around me thought--because I thought that way. I know, I know--idealism can be a bitch that leads you down a dark path--blinding you from the murderer hiding in the shadows.

Anyway, back to more important things--like why I'm writing this. I have watched and read so many different individuals speak on how important your brand is, and how to "sell" yourself and your books. Each of those I've read lately have all pointed to one thing, and it is something I was failing at. Yes, I wanted to write a story of two people falling in love against all odds--but I didn't want to write a romance novel. I didn't want cliche. But then, I discovered that I got caught up in it, and then I started to fall into the genre, and try to make myself fit into it. I tried to force myself into a mold that wasn't me, just for book sales. Yes, I had fun writing the books, and there is a lot of my personality in them, but one important thing I've learned is that people will know when you're not authentic to yourself.

Sure, they may not acknowledge or put their finger on the reason why something feels off, but I believe that in anything creative that you are trying to put out there to share with the world, people will know when you are not authentic or honest. Hell, I get the vibe from things, but maybe I'm just crazy. That could be it. But, this authenticity has led me to showing myself more to readers, and showing more of my interests.

For instance, I freaking love television and sci-fi/fantasy especially. So I talk about it, a lot. I've begun to re-brand myself. Starting this up was part of it. I thought picking up some writing on Steemit would be more my style. It kind of reminds me of the good ol' Xanga days. That was my blog from like 2002-2005. Loved that site. Now, it's just a blob of WordPress. (I just logged into it for the first time in about seven years. It's definitely just a WordPress.)

I'm cynical. I understand it. I'm a cynical idealist. I hope for the best in people, but expect that the best in people is always the best for themselves. Hell, I was being that way. I thought I was doing the best I could do, but I was still selling myself short. I needed to challenge myself, and dig deeper.

I want heroes. I think we all do. That's why romance stories are loved by so many women, (and men at times) because they want heroes and heroines. They want to read about someone larger than themselves, or someone less than them, that rises above, because they hope that someday they might rise up, too. Because hell, if they could do it, why can't I?

That's why I began writing. I needed to rise above and stop making excuses and do what I needed to do. Write. That's why I still write--to become more. It's why I do a lot of things. Exercise. How I eat. Working through my health issues. It's because there is that self will inside me that began when I first wrote that book. I set out to prove to myself that I could do it. And, I proved that cynical idealist in me, that it was possible. I could do it, and I would continue doing it--genres be damned, I will write what I need to write.

So, I now have a new series coming out. I've lost some readers because they want the romance. But, I'm cool with that. Go find the books that you like and that feel authentic to you. I'll just be over here writing about time travel, secret societies, who really runs the world, magic, dragons, telepathy, teleporting, and... love. Real love. Real love between heroes that didn't seem like they would be. They're the reluctant heroes hell bent on saving the world.