"Porch Swing (Worried Devil)" by Richard F. Yates

I was dragging a load of laundry over to my older daughter's house to use her drier a few days ago... (I'm sure you remember that tragic battle I fought with my drier a couple of weeks before Christmas. Well, the parts I ordered to fix it arrived, but they were not what I ordered---or needed---to fix the damn machine, so it's STILL broken....)

So I was dragging some laundry to my daughter's house---she only lives about a block away---and as I walked up the steps onto her porch, I noticed a worried looking little devil sitting on her porch swing. The little devil was apparently so deep in thought that he barely looked up as I set my laundry basket down and started digging through my pockets for the house key.

"Nice day," I said, trying not to make a big deal of the fact that he was sitting on my daughter's porch swing, undoubtedly without permission. (It was a weird thing to have stumbled on. Devils USUALLY ask for permission before doing anything...)

"Is it a nice day?" he said, clearly dispirited.

"So...." ignoring the humbuggery, "...what brings you to my daughter's porch?" I asked, hoping he'd catch the "Why are you trespassing?" vibe without being too offended.

He finally looked diectly at me, just as I was able to discover the whereabouts of the missing door key and dislodged it from my pocket. He smiled at me, sheepishly and half-heartedly, then drifted back into staring at nothingness.

"Sorry," he finally said. "I was just out for a walk, trying to think of something dastardly to do..." he sighed heavily at this point, "...when I spotted this swing. Thought I might take a load off for a minute or two, and I guess I got lost in thought."

He seemed to be on the verge of tears. I hate seeing creatures cry, so I asked, "What's troubling you? You don't seem to be having a very good day."

"I'm not," he said. "I think I'm about to lose my job. Layoffs...." He waved a hand at the word.

"Oh----- That's a shame..." I said. I wasn't sure what else to add.

"Turns out, we devils aren't really needed anymore. Humans have gotten so good at being bad on their own, we can't think of anything NASTIER for them to do than what they already do on a whim! I'm almost at a complete loss..."

"Surely there are a few people out there who can still be corrupted," I said, trying to be encouraging.

"Not really... The world has become so liberated now, folks aren't afraid to just do or say whatever horrible thing pops into their minds. Used to be, we'd have to nudge them or whisper in their ears to get someone to lie or hate or say something abusive or hurtful. We used to have to PUSH!" A tear dripped down his red cheek.

"We just aren't NEEDED..."

By now, I was getting pretty bored. Open sentimentality is so tedious, and all I wanted to do was flee from this weeping creature.

"Well," I said, "maybe you could request a transfer to a different department. Or maybe just break off on your own. Start a news service for demons that keeps track of all the terrible things that humans do and report it on a streaming channel or something. Maybe you could even sell ads."

I lifted my laundry basket back up and put the key into the lock on the door. As I did this, the devil's face blossomed into a huge, fanged grin.

"Did you decide to start a Twitch channel?" I asked.

"No, nothing like that," he said as he hopped off the swing," but HOT DAMN! I just had the perfect idea for an advertising campaign that will WRECK civilization! It might even start World War III...."

"Glad I could help," I said and smiled, and then pushed into Frankie's house, watching my feet so as to avoid stepping on any cats.

As I started to shut the door behind me, I saw the little red devil practically skipping down the walkway towards the sidewalk. "There will be blood in the streets!" he said cheerfully, and I clicked the door closed.

And I felt good, knowing that I'd helped a fellow creature in his time of need...

---Richard F. Yates

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