Red State Supermarkets Now Selling Ammo from Vending Machines

NPR is reporting adults in quite a few Red States can now buy ammunition for their guns right out of vending machines at their local supermarket. Dallas-based American Rounds LLC currently stocks its “automated ammo retail machines” in numerous supermarkets across Alabama, Oklahoma, Texas, and now Colorado. CEO Grant Magers told NPR, “We currently have about 200 grocery stores that we're working on fulfilling orders on machines for.”

The company is quick to point out that the vending machines should dramatically improve safety concerns regarding use by criminals. For example, let's suppose you're intending to rob a local supermarket, but upon arriving at the store and surveilling the joint, you suddenly realize you just don't have nearly as much ammo as thought you were going to need to get the job done properly.

This is where the vending machines can be quite helpful, not only for convenience but also for the environment. How, you ask? Well, these vending machines would eliminate the need for robbers to leave the store, get in their cars, and drive all the way to the nearest gun store - thus burning up unnecessary fossil fuels and further contributing to the ongoing global warming crisis. The only possible downside is there are “No Refunds” should crooks accidentally push the wrong buttons. No biggy, you can always sell that unused ammo on the street or on the black market.

In addition, should the crooks happen to be robbing the supermarket on a very hot day, there is a very good chance other vending machines would be right beside the ammo machine, so a thirsty armed robber could easily purchase a diet soda or perhaps a refreshing bottled water to stay safely hydrated during the entire robbery.

After all, given the intense heat from global warming we’ve been experiencing this year, doctors have been warning about the importance of staying well-hydrated to avoid things such as heat stroke - and frankly, there is no reason this would not equally apply to armed robbers as well. They are often moving around the crime scene in a rush and find themselves sweating profusely. Even armed robbers need to replenish their electrolytes.

So, as you can see, this turns out to be a huge win-win for nearly everyone, with grocery chains and ammunition vendors finding a new source of revenue and robbers benefiting from the extra convenience of being able to purchase their ammunition directly from the very establishments they are robbing. The only losers appear to be the general public, and frankly - who really cares about them? I mean, come on! This is capitalism, after all.