Unravelling the misery of Genuine Happiness

Welcome to my blog and stay relaxed as I take you down the lane on the concept of Happiness. Yes! Happiness is one of the most confusing used words in the English lexicon. While some think that it is a function of their achievements, wealth or the different milestones they have reach, others believe that it is a function of having a good Peace of mind and being satisfied with the little we have.
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One of my Girlfriends once told me that , she considers happiness from a very strange angle. To her, Happiness is hidden in little moments we most times overlook and not on the big events we tends to celebrate. Her stance looks strange but, I am sure she has great reason behind her perception of happiness.

On my own part, over the years I have always resolved that happiness was a function of reaching big goals and milestones. Specifically, when I was in secondary school getting ready for higher institution, I used to see those in tertiary institutions has been the most happiest people just because they have achieved big in terms of academics. Along the line my thoughts changed from those in higher institution to those who have secured a good paying Job or those who have achieved greatly in their personal businesses.

The truth is that each time a reached a given milestone my definition of happiness changes as my perception are not always what I come to experienced. The daily routine of staying late night reading, waking early for lectures, spending extra hours doing homework made me wonder why I ever thought people in tertiary institutions were the happiest of all people.

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It was at this point I began to see the working class as being the happiest set of people. Surprisingly, when I started working, I experienced the contrary. It was at this point I began to have a deep rethink on what happiness really means. I began to ponder on embracing my friend's viewpoint.

After series of enquires on what genuine happiness actually meant, I stumbled on someone who changed the narrative. Guess what it was... Yes! It is my grand mother. One of the biggest lesson I have ever received on happiness was delivered by my grand mother. I never grew up with her but I made it a routine of always visiting her every Sunday so as to share memories and keep her company.

Whenever I visited her, we spent time gisting and listening to her tell me stories of her life experiences especially those that concerns marriage and relationships as she also wanted me to marry a wife that would treat her as a good grandmother in-law that she was. One day, she began her usual stories and she landed on relationships talks. I seized the moment to ask her what kind of woman she dreams for me.

Granny defines Happiness
Expecting her to tell me a wealthy, tall, Beautiful girl from a wealthy and influential background, granny surprised me deeply. Despite the fact that MMA isn't wealthy, and as never travelled round the world, she radiates a sense of contentment that I have never seen before.

Granny told me that I should marry someone that would give me Happiness. The looks from my face made granny feel so uncomfortable. So she asked " Akpan mma, talk to me please!" It was this time I asked my ages disturbing question "What does it mean to be happy?" She smiled and told me that " Happiness is a function of being grateful and contented for what we have at hand irrespective of what it is. She added that if I should continue to chase the next thing that I will never feel at peace or happy"

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My Granny's words forced me to have a rethink of the moments that gave me happiness in the past. Then I realized that my girlfriend was somehow correct when she said that happiness lies in small and unappreciated moments than the bigger celebrated ones. I realized that the happiness I derive when speaking to granny, having late night chats with siblings and finding a lost keys can in no way be compared to when I won awards.

One of the happiest moments of my life's was absolutely unplanned. It was a random Sunday evening and I came back from church as usual with nothing special or exciting going on. Two friends of mine visiting and demanded that I should go with them for a trip to a location none of us was certain of. We stepped out only to see ourselves on a beach side just before the sun disappeared.

With no WiFi, no distractions and just the sound of the calm stormy waves, we sat down and had a deep conversation which lasted for hours. The happiness derived here was not a function of where we were, what we had or what we drank but a function of the moment we shared with each other enjoying every moment of our time without a single worry.

This unique day taught me that happiness does not depends on where we are or what we do but it is a function of who we are with and how we experience the moment together. I redefined my happiness as not having the perfect live, but finding self contentment in imperfect moments

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In addition to this, I realized that happiness is not in all situations obtained naturally, but we have to create happiness in most situations. This makes me live in happiness today. Whenever I feel down, I quickly remind myself of the need to take a break, listen to good music, or possibly go for a walk. During this time, I reach out to close friends with no intentions of sharing my problems but to create connections that would bring me happiness.

Another essential lesson I've learned is that happiness grows and this is only possible when shared with others. This is true as most of my happiest moments comes when I help others. This help could be through helping someone with a difficult task, listening to them when they needs support or simply cracking jokes to make them feel good.

To bring this journey to an end, permit me to acknowledge the fact that my view of happiness has changed drastically. I no longer think that happiness was something hidden and needs to be found. I now see it as something we create moment by moment through little and great gratitudes, connections and presence.

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Also, that Happiness is not tied to our achievements, job title, bank account, health status but rather, in the little things that seems not to matter at all. Give a try on gratitudes, kindness, goodwill and contentment then you would know what happiness is all about.

I invite @alexanderpeace @ruthjoe @okere-blessing and @pennsif to share their thoughts.