A different kind of nostalgia!
"Ami jaan, how did you manage to keep us all so well-dressed, so groomed, and so genuinely happy? When you send us pictures from your album, do you ever wish you could have frozen time, holding us close to you forever? It must be a unique, bittersweet ache, a sense of loss, when your children have grown and flown away."
Today, I penned down this message for my mother and later put it up as my WhatsApp status. Why? So that my siblings would also read it. I can't send it to them directly — we're they're not exactly emotional beings, haha. Anyway, the point is, I've been feeling like this for a while now.
Whenever I see old photos of my children, I don’t know why, but I get so emotional. The other day, I came across an old video of my girls, and believe me, I ended up crying. My heart wished I could somehow turn back the hands of time, just once, to hug them tightly, lift them in my arms, and listen to their innocent chatter for just a little while longer. Ugh, even while writing this, I’ve started crying again. It’s hard to write through these tears. What kind of madness is this? They’re still right here with me, yet their childhood... Why is it that I’m suddenly yearning for those moments so intensely?
I remember people saying, “Cherish this time; it will pass so quickly.” But back then, all we wanted was for them to grow up faster — to be potty trained, to become independent, to manage things on their own. I’m not ungrateful; I thank Allah that they’re growing, moving ahead in life. But the speed of it all... It feels overwhelming. Before I even realized it, they were as tall as me, and now they’re beginning to tower over me...
Those times though... There were phases when tantrums became a regular occurrence, whether it was because they didn’t get what they wanted, a minor bump, or even another child simply brushing past them. It felt like every little thing triggered a meltdown... On both sides!
Yeah, it was hard sometimes, exhausting even. I can still picture the chaos, I can recall it all so vividly. And also those honey sweet moments... The way their tiny fingers curled around mine... the day they were born, how their eyes lit up with wonder when they took those first wobbly steps, and the pure joy of hearing them call me "Mama" for the very first time, especially the first born! I remember the laughter of their little birthday parties, the candles on the cake barely staying lit as they giggled with excitement. Back then, it all seemed so trivial and for the most part, so chaotic. Even their birthday parties... And yet, in the blink of an eye, it was all gone.
Time didn’t just fly it vanished. One day, I was wiping sticky fingers and chasing giggles down the hallway, and the next, I was standing in a much quieter house, wondering how the years had slipped through my hands. I used to think I’d be relieved when the sleepless nights and temper tantrums ended. And sure, part of me was. But another part of me, one I didn’t even know existed, longs for those chaotic days.
Sure, they’re not that grown up yet, and just now I made them stop bickering and laughing because they’re supposed to study and prepare for their exams. But that part of their lives — their toddlerhood and early childhood, the most innocent phase — is over!
Ah! This is a different kind of nostalgia... The nostalgia, the looking back, the yearning to see them once more as little-littles, a bit of ice cream on the chin, hair standing on end after a perfect nap, their incessant need to cling to me… it feels like my heart could break. This makes me realize I need to stop running, calm down, take it all in, cherish it, and make the most of it... before it's over too, and they are grown up and have fled the nest just like us. Then one day, I will be sharing these cute pictures with them.
Ok, I have to stop now. I can't keep writing through my tears...
But before I do that...
A gentle reminder:
If you're a parent, struggling with your little ones, whether they're toddlers, babies, or even teenagers — remember, this phase will pass before you know it. Take a deep breath, soak it all in, and make the most of these moments while you can.
Us, siblings, with an older cousin.
P.S. Don’t mind the picture quality. My mom sent them from her album using her phone camera. And yes, you can see me (squinting because of the sun, not because I'm displeased or anything) in each one of them.
Looking into the past is like turning your back on the present and the future. And all you have is "here and now." Until you find meaning in your day today, until you set meaningful goals, you will keep longing for the past, and this will drain your energy. Transform the grief for the days gone by and the children they once were into a source of inspiration! When you look back at the past, you don’t see the “now,” and you’re not moving toward the future. "Today" and "now," one day will be "the past," and you will long for that lost past - wouldn't it be better to fill your heart with “now”? Write every day in a gratitude diary to stay in the Here and Now. There is such a spiritual practice! Nostalgia is a protective mechanism for our emotional state. For those suffering from mild or moderate depression, a moderate dose of nostalgia can improve their mood, but for those suffering from severe depression, it’s not recommended. Happy memories from the past tend to sadden depressed people even more, and it’s clear they cannot connect their present self with the happier self of the past. I notice that you make comparisons, and that worsens your state! I have no idea if you’re depressed, but think carefully about everything. Take a piece of paper and a pen (or, if it's more comfortable, write on a computer or laptop...) and be completely honest with yourself. Ask yourself what you had then that you don’t have now? What do you miss, what triggers such tears... Once you start, you’ll learn a lot about yourself. I advise you to work with a psychotherapist if this state persists. We will always feel nostalgia for something from the past. In each stage of our lives, the positive emotions from the previous stages will turn into new causes for nostalgia. And this is part of all our lives. The question is: where does it lead you toward joy and strength to move forward, or toward regret and sorrow? Best Regards 🍀
Hi there,
Thank you so much for your genuine concern and such a thorough reply. It truly means a lot to me.
I’m not sure if it’s the translation or just me, or I feel I haven’t expressed myself eloquently. The message in my words are simply a way to convey how, in our longing for our children to grow up and become independent, we sometimes forget to live in the present — just as you said, we should focus on the present.
Let me assure you that I’m not depressed, but I truly appreciate your concern. You could say I got a little emotional, but that doesn’t mean I’m living in the past or not enjoying the present. Perhaps it’s better to say that a person is nothing without their memories, and this is simply my way of cherishing those beautiful moments. Yes, I do cry when I get emotional—it’s just how I express myself, sometimes.
I cherish every moment I had with my parents during my childhood, and I treasure every moment I have with my children—past, present, and, hopefully, in the future as well.
It’s a strange, bittersweet ache that comes with cherishing your children’s childhood. On one hand, it fills your heart with joy to see them grow, learn, and blossom into who they’re meant to be. On the other, there’s an undeniable tug at your soul—a quiet longing for those fleeting moments when they were little, when their tiny hands clung to yours, when their world revolved entirely around you.
It’s not sadness, really. It’s the realization that time is a relentless force, moving forward without pause. It’s the awareness that while you are grateful for the present, the memories of their giggles, first steps, and endless questions are treasures you’ll always carry...
I'm babbling again. Lol. But you get what I am trying to say ;)))
Thank you so much for stopping by and looking out for me. 🍀
Thank you!
Well, I hope this nostalgia brings you joy. Otherwise... There are a few red flags in what’s written, so I allowed myself to reply to you. Regards
For me, it’s about thinking fondly of a past time! So yes, it brings joy, evokes emotions, and makes me appreciate enjoying and savoring every moment — owning both my past and present. All of that. :)
Thank you for your reply. I truly appreciate the concern, and it did give me a new perspective on things. However, depression is thankfully not part of the picture. Perhaps there's a bit of anxiety, the anxiousness (maybe) of seeing my children preparing for their practical lives, and the accompanying worry. But no, not depression.
You're trying to be the better @bambuka ;-))) Well written!
Dear Maan, believe me, I am happy to look at such pictures. By the way, we don't have very many of them. My aim has always been to keep the important things about the present in my head and not to delegate everything that happens to pictures. I can't say that I have achieved this goal perfectly as far as memory is concerned, but I know that I am the lucky one who has endured all their disturbing stages of development and not despaired. Now I see the children in their adult state and I am glad that I was one of the people who accompanied such beautiful creatures through dangerous times to here in the very distant present. I am glad that they are finally living their own lives. As far away as possible so that I am not involved in their everyday lives. Close enough to meet up again from time to time. You can never get rid of children, no matter how old they are. When you meet up with them, it's as if they've never been away.
Dearest Afrog,
Thank you so much for your insight. I’m sure you were an incredible parent and still are. Parenting comes with a unique phenomenon: second-guessing. You find yourself questioning every decision you make for your children, wondering if you’re being too tough on them or too lenient, debating when to put your foot down. And then, if (God forbid) something bad happens, you spend sleepless nights thinking about how you could have prevented it.
And then there are those moments when you miss the times they were little: when all you had to worry about was feeding them, cleaning them, and keeping them alive, as they kept trying finding new ways of getting killed ;) Life felt simpler then, even though it didn’t seem like it at the time...
But preparing them for the real world? That feels like such an enormous and daunting task. You’re not just teaching them to survive—you’re trying to help them thrive, to navigate a world that’s unpredictable and often unkind. It’s overwhelming, yet you keep going because that’s what parents do: You love, you worry, and you try your best, even when it feels like you’re carrying the weight of the world.
Sometimes I just can't help worrying too much...
What did you win, when they will have gone. Time!
You are Maan, a sophisticated lady. who has always been a role model to her children. That's why they will master their lives as you do it when they are out of your home. Even if the world is such a madhouse. Start to plan your own life without the kids. You will see, it's easy and anyway, you will be a mother for your whole life.
I write and write but nothing can stop your deep blue blues. You' re a mother. Sigh!
Thank you! I needed this ❣️
Oh you are welcome dear Maan. It's a deep but total normal blues you have and as you know every blues finds its end. I'm happy that I read your article this time. So I could stand by you with a helping hand. I can't stand crying sophisticated ladies.
😊😊😊
All good. No more blues :))))
Well said 🤣
Despite the joke, I felt your post was a much needed reminder to try to enjoy this time.
Some days, all I seem to do is get cross with the-6yo-gorilla which upsets me greatly. I look at pictures of when he was 3 and younger when we enjoyed our time together. Now he’ll be screaming and shouting before he’s had his breakfast. Even as I type this, I can hear him shouting at the-Mrs-gorilla and we’ve not even made it downstairs yet.
You know what, I really wanted to tag you, but when I read the comments, I thought it was better that I didn't. For some reason, it felt like a red flag, almost as if it might come across as a sign of depression. It's not that really.
I'm not a very soft mom or anything. My husband sometimes calls me the chill mom—not because I don't get irritated or bothered by their tantrums and antics, but because I let things go sometimes. I don’t make a big deal out of everything and give them a little space as they navigate their emotions and step into their teenage years.
But just a few days ago, I had a huge wake-up call. While my husband is overly cautious about how the outside world affects our children, I’ve always had a more laid-back attitude. I guess I was still living in the mindset of our time. Then it hit me—the world has changed so quickly, especially in terms of society’s moral decline. I couldn’t sleep for days.
Since that realization, I’ve been trying to strengthen my bond with my children. I’m working on making our relationship closer and more cordial. I’m trying to be as involved in their daily lives as possible, even at the risk of hearing, "Mama, you’re getting weird." I don’t mind being called weird, but I need to stay in touch with them. And as for chatting apps, there won’t be any on their mobiles or gadgets anytime soon.
And maybe, maybe that’s why the nostalgia hit me so hard. They were so much more sheltered in their early years, and thinking about that made me emotional. So, enjoy your little gorillas and this stage of life as much as you can! They test our patience and drive us a little crazy, and while some children are naturally more resilient than others, this is still the most carefree ( for both parties) stage of their lives...
I don't think too often about earlier times. When I do, it tends not to be nostalgic, but proud. Sometimes with amusement (how daft we were... ;-)) or relief (it's over!)
I largely enjoyed the childhood of my gang of four. I spent every single day of it trying to make them independent and self-sufficient. And I succeeded. So why look back sadly...?
I've noticed with many parents that the more emotionally and physically distant the children become, the more melancholy moments and glances into the past increase. This detachment hurts the parents more than the kids themselves.
Hmmm... When you say it like that, why is nostalgia really such a bad thing? It's good to reminisce about the past, especially when you do it with a sense of cherished memories. Okay, I admit I got carried away, because that's how it feels—the time slipping through your fingers. Some events from your childhood, that beautiful era, stay etched in your mind forever. They remind you of the simplicity of life, the innocence you once had, and the pure joy of little things. It's like revisiting a part of yourself that you thought was long forgotten, and in those moments, you feel alive in a way that's hard to explain.
Yes, "hard to explain." That's the problem... I think my words/post came across as something I wouldn't want to dwell on. But it's really not like that. The past was very much mine/ours, just as the present is. And I own both of them—sometimes with pride, sometimes with thoughtfulness, and, of course, sometimes with longing...
Thank you heaps for taking out time and sharing your perspective on this. I hadn't thought about it like this. It's good to see things in a different light sometimes!
We have a terrible enemy - Google Photos. Every day, memories from this merciless application come to my phone. There I see my daughter when she was still little. And the cruel enemy adds sad music to these videos and photos. This app was created by a person without a heart 😄
Our children are growing up, our parents are getting older, and time is relentless. We can't do anything about it and have to accept it as it is. 🙁
I agree... 🤣
In my case it wasn't Google photos...
The fact that they are stepping out in real world that is not very kind, it made me revisit their childhood with a sense of nostalgia...
Or as I said to gorilla:
https://steemit.com/hive-185836/@soulfuldreamer/sqqkug
That’s the bonds mums have children. It is unbreakable. That’s why, even if we’re all grown up and have started our family, our parents will always see us as their little babies not minding all the plenty beards on our faces!! 😊
But do dads feel the same way, Mum’s feel, I wonder?
Yes, I think dads also feel the same way. But I guess moms are more expressive :)
Time is like a merciless bird that is flying but Nothing comes to anyone's hands.
Yesterday our mothers were in our place and today we are in the place of our mothers. No matter how hard we try, we can neither turn back nor forward the wheel of time. So, don't let your today slip away from you, dear. To relive the memories of the past, If we live to old age, we will have plenty of time to reminisce about the past. When our children will fly from our nests as we flew from our Babylonian nest. This is just the way of life. Yesterday something was, today something is, tomorrow something else will happen.