Dealing With A Soft Spoken Manipulator
I used to think that rude people or people with bad character are actually repulsive, until I met a very manipulative person. She came in as an acquaintance, became a friend, but within the time we were friends, my mind was almost messed up. She would try to control me, and when it does not seem to work, she would guilt-trip me and employ a lot of emotional war tools, yet very soft spoken. All these were to influence me in order for her selfish benefits. It was a very tough time and I learnt a very big lesson from that phase of my life. Here, we shall be taking a look at how to deal effectively with a soft spoken manipulator.
The first thing to help you is for you to recognise their tools. Sometimes they would want to bring in elements of guilt-trip in order to make you feel guilty. They employ words like "I thought you cared for me." Even when they do something visibly wrong, they would still want to turn it around, and may even tell you that you are making them feel bad. In addition to this, they can even speak to you in a manner that can make you doubt your own self. In another fashion, they can even employ flattery and kind words to press in their manipulation. When you understand this their tactics, it will be difficult to use it against you. This is because your awareness can actually be your first line of defence.
When you have become aware of their tactics, the next step is to trust your gut. If you have an uneasy feeling when you are interacting or relating with someone, you should pay attention to it, because it might be your gut trying to tell you something. Your mind might sense something about someone that your eyes may not have even perceived, so pay attention to it. If something does not appear too right about someone then it probably is not right. More so, your instincts can provide you with a very reliable tool to see beyond their soft words. Do not allow you emotions to get trapped in their web of manipulations.
The next point is to learn to set firm but calm boundaries. You are to be firm, but be very polite. Do not be unclear about your boundaries because they can use your lack of clarity against you. When they bring some emotional manipulation and want you to do something beyond your capacity, instead of saying "I will try," simply tell them "I am unable to do that" and stand by it. For the fact that you are clear and direct will give you an edge over them. Let them know what you permit in your life and what you do not. Do not assume that they will know what you do not want. In fact, they may even know, but since you do not define it, they may still find a way around it. So set firm boundaries.
Another way to deal with a soft spoken manipulator is to limit the urge to over-explain or to justify excessively. Trust me, you cannot explain to someone who already has an intention to misconstrue your words. Manipulators love it when you excessively explain, because you give them the raw materials to argue and beat you with their soft spoken words. In order to beat them to this particular game, learn to keep your answers clear, short, precise, and final. For example; a simple "I am not available to receive calls on Sunday morning" would suffice, instead of trying to explain that you normally wake up early, make breakfast, then attend church service, and so on. Learn to avoid unnecessary explanations.
The final point here is to stay emotionally neutral. That is, do not allow their words and their actions to get to your emotions. If they gain access to manipulate your emotions, then they have already gotten the victory they want. If you sense that they want to play emotional game with you, like trying to evoke pity, stir guilt, or want to instil fear, then you should stay neutral and guard your emotions.
Thanks for reading
