Thoughts about coffee
You know, there’s this category of advisors: "replace coffee with green tea, it’ll be healthier, you’ll save your heart, your stomach will thank you." Yeah, sure, it’ll thank you, of course. The only problem is that maybe your heart will be saved, but your mood will go to hell immediately. Because green tea is not coffee. It’s not even a parody. It’s grass soaked in water. And if you really want to get through the day without hating yourself and everyone around you, depriving yourself of a cup of your favorite coffee is cruel.
For some people, coffee isn’t about caffeine. If it were about caffeine, we’d all be popping caffeine pills and not giving a damn. But no, it’s about the ritual. You wake up in the morning, barely open your eyes, the world is already nasty and demands that you "function." You go to the kitchen, turn on the kettle or the coffee machine and that familiar, pleasant smell appears in the air. That smell tells you: "Bro, it’s okay, we’ll get through this. Life hasn’t completely gone to shit yet."
And now imagine someone tells you: "replace this ritual with green tea." You know what that looks like? It’s like if someone told you: "replace sex with chess." Yeah, both involve strategy. But… well, you probably know the difference yourself.
Green tea is a drink invented by people whose life was already fucking great. Warm, beautiful, plenty of time, they’re sitting in the garden, sipping their herb water and philosophizing. For that, green tea is perfect. But when you’re late for work in the morning, drowning in debt, stuck in traffic, your boss is an asshole, neighbors are drilling, cats are racing around the apartment - green tea won’t help you. You’ll take a sip and think: "yeah, tasty, some grass, okay…" and then remember you’ve got 8 hours of screwing around with reports ahead, and you’ll realize that what was in your cup wasn’t salvation, it was sarcasm.
Green tea is like a hippie-style headband. "Bro, everything’s fine, feel the harmony with the world." Fuck your harmony when you’ve got calls, deadlines, and electricity bills to pay.
For many people, coffee is literally the only small joy during the workday. You may not have money for a vacation. You may not have a real relationship. You may not have time for a hobby. But you have a cup of coffee. It’s sitting next to you, warm, smells amazing, and says: "You’re not completely in hell."
And then some smartass comes along and says: "Replace coffee with green tea. It’ll be healthier." That’s like telling someone: "Replace your dog with a stool. It sits quietly, doesn’t shit, healthier." Maybe healthier, but joy - zero.
All this talk about "health benefits" - it’s always a bit fake. Because what’s healthy is not sitting at a computer for 12 hours. Healthy is running in the mornings. Healthy is sleeping 8 hours. Healthy is not eating fast food and not chugging liters of beer. But we all live in a reality where these "healthy things" get fucked off, because life is already squeezing us from all sides.
And so when you have one small thing that makes the day bearable - a cup of coffee - another "healthy lifestyle guru" comes along and wants to take it away. For the sake of health, supposedly. Yeah. And then these same people are on antidepressants at thirty and wonder why life "lost its taste." Well, because you robbed yourself of all the small joys.
Green tea is fine to drink. Sometimes. When you really want something light. When you’re not in a rush, when you’re in the mood. It can be tasty, interesting, even relaxing. But putting it on the same level with coffee and saying "replace one with the other" - that’s like saying: "let’s throw out beer and be happy with kefir." Kefir is fine. But in the evening after work with friends you’re not raising a glass of kefir and saying: "Fuck yeah, life’s good!"
So, guys. If you’ve got a cup of coffee that makes the day a little less shitty - hold on to it.
Don’t listen to those "useful tips." Life already looks too often like a miserable asshole for us to voluntarily give up our small joys.
You want green tea? Great, drink it. But let it be an extra option, not a replacement. Because depriving a person of coffee - that’s really depriving them of the last joy they had in this crappy day.
Take care of yourself.
- Image: AI generated, ChatGPT.