MoonStalker (1989) Review + FIlm
Rating: 5/5
*We unanimously decided the rating in the first 7 minutes
AKA: Weekend at Bernie’s Vs. American Psycho (No Shit)
Watch Here: https://www.bitchute.com/video/Tx5qZmPGiixT/
It’s Harry Scroggs!
You ever watch a movie start out so good, so godamn good you knew that it was going to be an instant classic? What really sold us was the musical sizzle that came from the opening song. That was it, locked in and ready to party.
That’s what we got here lads, an old school horror shindig and the bonus cherry on top is this is essentially American Psycho VS. Weekend at Bernies.
Well, not really. The killer is named Bernie, and you got a guy that straight up looks like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho:
Tell me this isn’t some undercover Patrick Bateman shit going on right now.
But anyway, as we said before the killer is named Bernie, but that’s not the only thing that made us connect the dots to the Weekend franchise.
Look at this bitch walk:
He's got that Moving like Bernie groove.
So, what is this tale? You got some government dick bags who force a family off their property so that they can build themselves a fancy campground to attract tourists.
The mother dies in a police shootout and boom, you just created Jason Voorhees light.
“Get me one of them Beers!”
This movie is funny as fuck, truly blessed unintentional comedy – The start of this flick hooks you quick.
Harry Scroggs wants them real burgers cooked on one of them old school grills & a beer you pleb!
I will say for some “city slickers” these motherfuckers sound country as hell, like they remind me of people from the trailer park I grew up in.
Straight up crazy, lmfao moments you never forget!
In some places you can still see this comedic dynamite in the wild. If you’re lucky.
“Damn it Vera! I thought we agreed there wasn’t going to be any Soap Operas!” – Harry Scroggs, Suburban Outdoorsman
Bernie doesn’t waste too much time dispatching the Scroggs family in a bid to obtain their “microwave oven”. Something mammy had long wanted back in the day.
Soon though Bernie loses his “Pop” (his dad who broke him out of the mental hospital) and heads up towards the campground to Rick Roll the fuck out of these cats.
Faces of Bernie
Bernie is part of that "No Fucks Given Society"
“Slip your little panties off ladies, Bobbies on his WAY!”
The counselors are pretty cool. All the stereotypes of horny teens apply here. Though, it’s not as over the top as you would expect from the era.
We even get some hard ass head trainer with this pure sex girlfriend, to fill out the counselor group.
“Not an ounce of discipline in the whole bunch!”
We need to wind this down but lastly, there was a cop who was involved in the OG shooting that killed Bernies ma back in the day.
He’s kind of like the Dr. Loomis in this…though he gets straight fucked.
You do get to see the epic Bernie Vs Bateman – It ends how you expect, but I’m pretty sure Ol’ Bobby survived was transformed in to Patrick for the events of American Psycho…It’s just obvious.
Watch this or regret it forever.
FINAL WORD –
MRHELLBOX – Fuck this was funny. Everything is like on the level of being bad, but the dial that would turn this movie shitty, is like one notch away from keeping that from happening.
Harry Scroggs was smart though, fuck going to LA! Miss those lines, miss that traffic, get a fire, some brews and a bitch, party city!
It’s good, it’s fun, and it’s a great way to spend Saturday night. More of this please! – 5/5
SCHLONG LONG – Regie’s bitch is lit! She reminds me of that blonde from Roadhouse…I bet it’s her! No, not the dumb doctor chick, the gold digger at the bar. You know who I mean! – 5/5
DRUNKEN MASTER – I swear to fuck those pigs better have saved all that booze sitting loose. What am I saying, they can’t even mount a successful search & rescue in this film.
They barely were able to recover bodies – 5/5
PRINCE PECTORALS – Bernie has retard strength to go with his undead strut. I’ve not met many in the underworld that I would be afraid to trade fisticuffs with…..but godamn, Bernie is a human hammer. I should study his diet & workout techniques. – 5/5