This Mortal Coil...

Life is beautiful.

Life is also exhausting, and at times overwhelming.

As often as not, it is the external world and all its woes that gives rise to me weariness.

Sometimes I sit and contemplate my life as it is, and think back to my teenage years and my youth, and consider some of the things I was so hopeful that life would become.

And I'm not just talking about my life; I'm talking about where I thought — and hoped — the world might be.

There's a slight irony to the fact that the old — and rather prosaic — truism "The more things change, the more they stay the same" is more accurate than I'd ever give it credit for.

Humans are still fighting and killing each other; compassion and kindness have gained pretty much zero popularity since my childhood; greed is as intense today as it ever has been.

Meanwhile, I never learned to love crowds... I remain perpetually overwhelmed by them.

I remain about as solitary as I was when I was 18. Not that I am really unhappy about that... just a little surprised.

Perhaps.

There was a time when I felt hopeful that somewhere along the way I would find people whom I'd consider "my tribe." Sadly, I can't say as how I ever did.

"You're just too WEIRD! Too INTENSE!"

Sorry (not sorry) I didn't turn out to be what you expected me to be. Or what you had imagined. Or what you had projected onto me.

I had hopes about love, as well. They were probably far too idealized; far too rooted in personality types and traits that are extremely rare in the real world.

It was probably expecting too much to find gentle empathic spirits in the world... and then to hope that those gentle empathic spirits were actually looking for the same, rather than for something "opposite" to complete what they felt were their "deficiencies."

It's funny how many people eschew stereotyping, and yet base an awful lot of their life choices on precisely those stereotypes.

"What men are like."
"What women are like."

Put it in a box, and tie a neat ribbon around it...

Anger, jealousy, rage, envy, greed, selfishness... those are not my "Love Languages."

But they seem to be mighty popular, out there, in the world.

I remember talking to someone — someone I was "interested in" — back in my 20s, and she insisted that unless she was in a relationship that had "two or three good door slamming fights every week" she would likely grow bored and leave the relationship.

People around us nodded and said "yeah, I sort of get that..."

I thought to myself "Poor dear, I hope you get help, because that sounds MENTAL."

Although I was young, I chose being alone over getting embroiled in that chaos.

The world feels heavy, these days. I try to tell myself to just "get over it," but it's not that easy. Still, I'll find a way to muddle through... I always have/

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great rest of your week!

How about you? Do you ever feel like the world weighs you down? Like you are out of step with "the rest of it?" Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 2025.03.25 00:04 PDT
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