Relationships: Discovering What REALLY Matters
Relationships are funny and often mysterious things.
For me, that has typically manifested in the area of us thinking we know what is important to us in terms of whose company we choose to keep... and then reality showing up and teaching us that it is actually something completely different that matters.
The things that become points of "friction" or estrangement are often unexpected, and not part of any "list" of attributes we typically dream up.
It could be something like the temperature in the surrounding environment. We might like to think that "non-smoker" is a non-negotiable requirement, but we seldom consider of a lot of background things.
For example, I have always liked things on the cold/cool side... and could never envision myself to be one of those people (whom I authentically knew, when I lived in Texas) who would keep the indoor temperature at 78 degrees (about 26C for the metric folks) even in mid winter, just so they could lounge around in shorts and a tank top... in mid-winter.
If you're cold, put on a sweater!
Consider things like "functioning times."
One of my exes basically kept "vampire hours" while I'm naturally inclined to be at my best in the morning, and pretty much am ready to head to slumberland by the time the "party circuit" even starts to warm up. Again, it's not one of those things you often see show up on people's dating profiles, or even in someone's general ideas of what they'd like about a partner.
Another thing that people often discover to be important after the fact is the amount of time alone they like to have. Mostly, we get so wrapped up in the togetherness of pairing up that we forget about the need — especially with the introverts among us — to spend time alone. There are people out there who literally feel abandoned if their partner needs to spend several hours alone, every day.
Don't get me wrong, I like to know the other person is around, but we don't have to occupy the same space, all the time... an issue that can become particularly relevant if you both work from home.
So-called "relationship experts" often bring up the issue of money and finances and their importance in relationship harmony. Problem is that we often cover the superficial issues without touching on more "operational" issues.
The answer to a question like "You suddenly have an unexpected $1,000; what do you do with it?" can often be far more revealing there merely determining that both have "good jobs" and are "financially stable."
An aspect of attitudes towards life" that I long ago discovered can be remarkably important is whether or not someone is "wasteful." It's not about what you spend your money on, but your approach to what you did spend your money on.
I know someone who often "orders in," and orders lots of different food because she wants to have several different flavors. Fine. But three days later, 80% of the food is thrown away, uneaten. It's not about the money or whether you can afford it, it's about the waste of resources.
With all that said, relationships are often a great mystery, and a perpetual exercise in learning. And no matter how well prepared we might think we are, there will invariably be surprises...
Understanding is always better than conflict.
Thanks for stopping by, and have a great week ahead!
How about you? How is your experience with relationships? Do you fully know what you want in a relationship? Have you ever found yourself surprised by an "unexpected" need? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — Not posted elsewhere!)
Created at 2025.06.30 23:22 PDT
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