Reflections on What I was TAUGHT to Believe...

Lately, I have been going through a lot of "old stuff" that came from my late parents' house, subsequently ended up in moving boxes, and eventually ended up stored at the back of the large walk-in closet in my home office.

The messy closet... Nala the cat likes it, though!

Physically, it's a fair amount of stuff — some 20-25 boxes — but psychologically it's a much larger amount of stuff.

As I slowly make my way through it, I consider the question of why it feels so much like a burden, and why I have been avoiding dealing with it. And why I am so carefully trying to sell anything with even minimal value, as opposed to just hauling it wholesale to the nearest second hand shop.

The sad truth is that I was raised in an environment were "the family stuff" was held in great esteem, but when I break it down into my personal values — and remembering that all those old family members who subscribed to that doctrine are long dead — the only "family stuff" I actually care about is carried as memories, not as physical things.

Which is a sobering reminder that much of my family placed higher value on "things" than on "people."

Much as I would like to think otherwise, it has been a struggle for me to break away from that inherited value set, even though it doesn't suit me very well.

It is almost as if a small — but ever-shrinking — part of me fears that someone is going to reach out and slap me from behind the veil and castigate me for not appreciating that "we eat off fine expensive china," while being emotionally distant and feeling utterly disconnected from each other... because (God forbid!) anyone should ever let on that they had a feeling about anything!

There are some strange ghosts and skeletons in that closet.

In my entire extended family, there were only two other people like me... feeling, empathic, human human beings... and both took their own lives, one in their mid-30's, the other just after 50. I can only project that it was the result of what happens when you try to fit into a place where people steadfastly refuse to "get" and tell you that you're crazy and need help because you are not like them.

I look back and perhaps one of the greatest favors I did for myself was going to University in the USA, thereby putting 8,000km between me and that particular influence.

Even so, it has followed me. Or tried to follow me.

And now I am working on disloding that last bit, dwelling in that closet.

It's hard to shake the feeling — when I look at it — that I am looking at a pile of toxic waste, in the form of lies and misplaced values and toxic behaviors.

Selling it all off, bit by bit, closes out the final lie: My mother's insistence that all their things were "Very Good" and would be sold for much money when the time came. That time is now, and the lie is revealed in the fact that almost nobody cares, and the "much money" turns out to be $5 here and $10 there.

So much self-delusion...

Sometimes you have to be ready to UN-teach yourself; to divest yourself of beliefs you were taught, because they might have been true for someone else, but they are not your truths.

But it's FAMILY...

Fact but... do we really owe it to anyone to stay eternally loyal to something that doesn't suit us, or serve us?

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great remainder of your week!

How about you? Have you ever had to turn your back on family values because they were counter to your OWN values? Has it been difficult to let go of the past? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

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Created at 2025.03.18 21:39 PDT
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