I still struggle with cigarettes. While my girlfriend was pregnant i quit but some month after our son was born i started again with it... And at the moment i don't feel like going to quit it soon, since i still hang somehow on my drug-past and it's "the last thing i can keep from it" as said. Also i somehow need it to not break down, when there is nothing to do at work for 8 hours straight. Imagine sitting there and being unable to do something, but you're forced to sit there for 8 hours. And the day after it's the same, etc. Somewhen you get crazy. So at least i can take a smoke break once every hour and have 5 minutes of doing something^^

Also i roll my cigs. And i really love to roll them since it's like making a joint, which i really love to do. Not only to smoke it, that's for sure, but also the process of rolling it i like^^ i rolled them always with such a love, and somehow this love would be a missing part when i would quit cigarettes...

But at least i get my "right" to be able to smoke a joint once every while, which is also a great success. Completely without i still can't imagine, and i also don't see something wrong in smoking one, once every while. Sure, if i would smoke again everyday that would be a big problem! But with this compromise to have those days where i can smoke a joint it's a good go :)

But it's crazy, when i think back how we went together to the SerD (public addiciton help) for me and first i was like "i say now i want to let it, but somehow i would manage to persuade her that i still can take my drugs" since i really couldn't imagine a life without that everything! So we started with the chemical drugs, which wasn't a big deal for me since i was never addicted to them, but still, thinking i can go to no party anymore, or can't participate in a so called serata anymore was a big struggle for me, since it was my life, it was me, it was who i am. Later on we started to cut weed. And even there i couldn't imagine a life without it. I wanted to cut it down, to not smoke it everyday, but complete without i didn't want to. Specially that i don't have any festive days like easter, christmas or even my birthday. The only festive days i have are the 420-day and new years eve. 420-day is the day for joints and new years eve it's my tradition now since 2015 to smoke a joint at midnight. Theb other festive days like christmas or my birthday i smoke since i don't like that days. So to get them a bit more comfortable at least i can smoke a joint ;)

And now i'm here. Smoking only those days a joint and don't take anything else. It was for sure a hard way and without my girlfriend i wouldn't have been able to came so far!

Thanks if you appreciate my story so much :)