Small People Big Problems

crosheille (67)in OCD • 5 years ago

Whatever happened to the little dilemmas...

Mom my shoe keeps untying
Mom I can’t reach my cup
Mom I need a bandaid
Mom I have the hiccups
Mom my belly hurts
Mom I can’t button my pants
Mom I made a mess

In the moment I used to think wow, it is always something going on and always work to do. Many minor jobs can add up to be quite a load, especially if you have multiple children like me. I wish I would have taken the time to enjoy even those little dilemmas more instead of getting frustrated or feeling overwhelmed.

My children are getting older and facing much more serious concerns and issues that need mamas attention. I can barely keep up with the day to day situations we face so I hadn’t taken the time to think about what bigger problems I may have to face and help with.

Small people, big problems...

Part of a parent’s job is to calm their children down when there’s unnecessary panic or to make them aware when there should be more of a concern instead of brushing something off. I try to be careful not to be inconsiderate when dealing with issues they face.

To me, those issues may seem small or irrelevant because I have more knowledge and understanding of situations through experience. To them, it could mean the end of humanity and life as we know it. I want to take my time helping them through their struggles and questions and remember they are little people trying to grasp meaning. I want to be sensitive of their feelings and not make them feel as if their worries aren’t important. I want each teachable moment to count allowing them to take something valuable away with them that will always be in the forefront of their minds.

I often pray and ask God to prepare me for what’s to come and give me the strength to handle it. I have to be strong when they need me to be and sometimes that can be challenging. It feels like my parenting gets more challenged as they get older. Do any other parents feel that way? I realize they look to me and their father to “fix” their problems. They want answers that will soothe and make them feel better. We get put on the spot and they expect an immediate solution.

Most times if I don’t have the answer, I’ll say

let me talk this over with your dad and we will revisit this soon

If I don’t have sound advice I don’t want to make up something just to appease them. Our words of advice are critical and lay the foundation of how our little ones will deal with problems as adults. It’s challenging me to think, analyze and look deeper into things so that I am able to give appropriate responses.

Last week my eldest son, eight years old, came to me about a serious concern. I could tell it was really affecting him.

Do you remember the bey club I wrote about a few months back? Bey blades are really popular and the kids in our neighborhood have formed a club. They meet here at our house outside on the porch to do their tournaments.

The age ranges from 3 years old all the way up to 12 years. Some of the older bladers only want to battle kids closer to their age. Let me tell ya, my three year old has a bey blade and he is pretty good lol. So you can imagine that the younger bladers feel left out from time to time...my son in particular.

He noticed the older bladers only asking his sister, my nine year old daughter, to bey with them. He asked me

Why does everyone always ask her to battle instead of me when we’re almost the same age?

I have noticed this. When the neighborhood kids come to our door they always ask for her first and then ask for “the boys” meaning my sons. What’s funny is my daughter is currently the only girl in the club. She’s quite the tomboy like I was and she has really good leadership and organizational skills (yea she takes after her mum 💁🏽‍♀️ lol).

I told my son generally the oldest child is looked at as a leader and tends to attract more attention because of that. Also, because she is always organizing games and battle tournaments it’s natural for the kids to look to her for guidance.

I gave him the advice to show them what he’s made of and then maybe they will start asking him to battle too. Unfortunately it’s in our human nature to discriminate even when we don’t mean to. The older kids assume that the younger ones are not good competition so they don’t give them a chance. Hopefully when they see and realize how good my son is at spinning his bey they will embrace him more and give him a chance.

It made sad when he told me it felt as if no one likes him. My son, having real problems and in need of comfort and assurance that he is special and just as important as his siblings. Even if they never gave him a chance to battle I wanted to make sure he knew that he was loved and liked by other people.

I explained that kids are going to do and choose what makes them happy and we cannot force people to like and accept us. All we can do is offer our friendship and hope they will see how fun, awesome and kind we are.

A few days after our conversation he told me that one of the boys treated him so kindly and kept asking him to bey battle. He said

even if no one else asks me to play at least I have one nice friend.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

It stilled my heart. I have such amazing children and seeing how well he handled this was just beautiful. I couldn’t be more proud of him for being able to be grateful for the one that was kind to him instead of harping on the ones that haven’t given him a chance yet.

I love my job. We go through intense moments but being able to see a peaceful outcome is always worth it :)

Small people, big problems ~