A darkly humorous tale

Mount Everest – the highest peak in the world, part of the Seven Summits. Millions of climbers from all over the world dream of reaching its summit. They spend a fortune on it, yet many never return from the expedition. And she… she knows that all too well.

Death stood at the highest possible point of the mountain, leaning on her scythe. Shivering from the cold, she adjusted her scarf, which bore the words "Today is your day," and waited for the stairs that would take her to heaven.
Thankfully, technology had advanced. Once, there were only ordinary, exhausting stairs that took a good hour to climb before reaching the top. Now? A simple transport system. Sniffling, she stepped onto the first stair, and the mechanism began to move.

Death slipped a hand into her pocket and pulled out her work phone. She had barely turned it on when a notification appeared:

Peter Parker – ready for pickup.

She stared at the message in confusion.

Wait… Spider-Man can die?

“I’ll deal with that later,” she muttered, shaking snowflakes off her boots.

She stepped up to the golden gate and pressed the intercom button.

"Who’s there?" asked a voice.

"Death." She rolled her eyes.

The sound of the gate unlocking echoed through the air.

“Someone should really oil that thing… It squeaks like hell,” she grumbled.

As she opened the doors to the celestial palace, the strong scent of moonshine hit her. Just another day in heaven.

The floor was littered with everything—food, drinks, and… vomit. Even the curtains had been ripped down.

"Hello! Good morning!" she called out, trying to wake up her two bosses. "Where’s my schedule?"

An old man with long white hair and a beard began to stir.

"What’s the matter?" he mumbled, smacking his lips.

"Where. Is. My. Schedule?" Death repeated.

"Ahh… but it’s not my turn to make it this time," he said, getting up and walking over to his red-hued companion. "Stephen, Stephen, wake up, buddy. Where’s Death’s schedule?"

"Schedule?" the horned figure mumbled before passing out again.

Death buried her face in her hands.

"Oh, Jesus..."

"Don’t call my son in here," the old man chuckled. "We’ll sort it out."

He snapped his fingers, and in an instant, the schedule materialized on the table, surrounded by scattered bottles labeled "Tears of the Faithless."

"Thank you." Death sighed. "Next time, just email it to me. I don’t want to see this mess again."

Back on Earth, she pulled out her phone.

"Alright, back to Peter Parker. Where are you, Peter?" she murmured, scrolling through the data. "Ah, there’s the address. Time to teleport."

She materialized inside a small, cozy apartment filled with the warm scent of cloves and oranges. Following the aroma, she approached a small table with a cup of tea resting on it. In front of it, nestled in a rocking chair, an elderly man dozed under a thick blanket.

"This is… not the Peter I was expecting," she muttered, stepping closer.

"Mr. Parker, nap time’s over," she whispered. "Today is your day." She pointed at her scarf.

The old man, though initially startled, smiled softly.

"I’ve been waiting for you."

"Huh. Don’t hear that too often." Death glanced at her phone. "You’ve lived a long life—93 years is no small feat. You sure you don’t want to make it to a hundred?"

"No, thank you. My joints have been creaking since I was thirty. I’ve had enough."

"Fair enough. Let’s go."

Mr. Parker stood up and looked back at himself—still in the chair, still sleeping. Well, not sleeping anymore.

"Will I be able to visit my loved ones?"

"Of course," Death nodded. "But don’t go writing on fogged-up mirrors or changing the TV channels. You’ll just scare them. You’re invisible now."

The old man chuckled, nodding in understanding.

"Just one thing… Do they have good tea in heaven?"

Death smirked, recalling the chaos she had witnessed earlier.

"Oh, absolutely. The best tea you’ve ever had."

"Really?"

"It’s got a little extra kick to it."

The old man laughed softly, then turned toward the staircase that had just appeared before him.

"In that case… I’m ready."

Image generated by AI