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RE: The festival of Suru-Gede; the dance of the spirits.
How I wished you started with the story and placed the rest underneaht. This was a good read and the more I read the stronger the story became. You described it very well especially the dance.
How would you rate yourself and why?
the “iriya festival” I mentioned was the inspiration behind the dance.
I will still score myself 8/10 because the ending didn’t turn out how I wanted it.
I wanted to try out this “show but don’t tell”, writing style I learnt during one of those we-write contests held last year but it turned out poorly.
I don't think it turned out poorly you described it well and that's far from easy. If it comes to pic1000 and describe what you see and feel you can post it at the bottom but also weave it into your text.
With a bit of attention, you can be a great story teller.
How long did it take you to write this? Did you write it at one piece?
BTW it's fine to use an existing story or experience or parts of different stories if during writing it reminds you of that.It still is your story.
How would you like the story to end? Feel free to edit.