It sounds like a film where you are always into the same loop. The circle/life you are in and no matter how hard (you believe) you try it won't break the spell.
The only way to break it was to change drastically and you did by taking a risky jump! It worked. You did jumped out of that loop.

I know I did do simular things by saying I would not dream that again. Day or night, awake or asleep we always dream a little or big dream. The brain never takes a break.

Beach House - Space Song

Lyrics included

@ibesso this song reminds me of you
@yaladeeds you are not forgotten

♥️🍀