My Spec in a Man

I live in a modern world with so many dating apps and online platforms where people get to display the list of preferences or spec as it is usually mentioned when talking about relationships or dating. Often when speaking to my female friends about men I also keep hearing them say the words "he is not my spec". At this point, I keep asking: do they really have a spec or do they even understand that concept of spec in a relationship?

If this is your first time coming across the word "spec" in this type of context, have no worries, I'll explain it to the best of my knowledge. Spec in this context refers to the specific qualities or characteristics that one would like for their intended partner to possess. As a lady when you make a list of qualities you want in a man that you'll be romantically involved with, it could be kindness, physical appearance, educational background, to mention just a few, those things become your spec in a man. It is not about being picky, but more about knowing what matters the most to you in a relationship.

From my observations, I am confident that if not all, then most ladies have already created a blueprint is their heart about the type of man they want. I don't want to be an exception! So, for me, it's more like....a feeling waiting to unfold. I imagine a man who is strong in a way a tree is rooted, steady, yet able to bend in the storm.

A man who loves and listens to me when we discuss, a man who sees the world differently from how others do, a man who sees and accepts me for who I am, a man kind enough to accommodate my flaws, a man who will always encourage me in my lowest moments.

I guess what I am trying to say is, my spec in a man isn't about perfection. It's about finding someone (a man) who makes ordinary moments feel extraordinary, just by being there for me. It's also not about finding the right man, no, but finding the man who feels right.

While knowing what you want in a man as a lady or having a spec, as commonly known, it is important to ask yourself these questions: what if I don't find a man with all the quantities I need? Will I be happily married to a man that's not my spec? Well, if you remember, when I talked about my spec in a man, I specifically mentioned that "my spec isn't about perfection".

Personally, I kick against solely relying on the idea of waiting until you find your perfect spec before committing to a relationship or even marriage. As a lady, waiting to find the perfect man that will tick all the boxes on your list can lead to unrealistic expectations. It might make you miss out on someone who would have made a good match for you. Rather than relying mainly on your spec, I suggest you look for a man that shares your core values, someone you can build a strong connection with over time.

While you have your spec in a man, remember that there is no "perfect" man. We ladies have flaws and so do men. If you are waiting to get a perfect man, you may be disappointed.
Some ladies might see their spec but unfortunately, the person might not share the same feelings. What do you do in such a situation? Yes, I know it can be painful, however, you need to acknowledge the other person's feelings and make peace with the situation.

You can try having a conversation with the person about the situation and then both of you can decide on whether to make it work or end things. If both of you agree to end things, accept it. This will give you an opportunity to find someone who would reciprocate your feelings.

To help you get over the situation, look for activities that will give you happiness and joy and get involved. This will help you emotionally. You can also talk to a trusted friend or family if that will make you feel better. Keep an open mind, it will help you with new connections. Most importantly, give yourself time to heal properly, don't rush into anything that doesn't feel right.

If my spec isn't in love with me, I'll move on as there are various men out there that may be perfect for me. Self-love first is what I prioritize as marrying isn't a right and I can't marry because I'm desperate. To all those out there, I'll advise you watch this movie.

I invite @artist1111 @chilaw @suboohi

The Last To Marry