About my madness

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I don’t remember exactly when I started feeling different. It was like a thick fog had enveloped my mind, making it hard to tell what was real from what wasn’t. The voices in my head grew louder and more frequent, haunting my every move and decision.

At first, I tried to ignore them. I thought it was just a temporary phase, just stress or fatigue. But the voices never went away. They became more real, more convincing. They started egging me on, persuading me to do things I never thought I would do. I started withdrawing from the people closest to me. I was ashamed, afraid they would see how crazy I was. I was afraid they would shun me, think I was weird or dangerous.

Every night, I would lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. My mind was filled with endless voices. I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t. I felt like there was something wrong with me, something broken beyond repair.

I started losing my appetite. I couldn’t sleep well. I felt tired all the time, but I couldn’t rest. I became irritable, easily irritated. I felt like a time bomb ready to explode at any moment.

One day, I decided to seek help. I went to a psychiatrist and told him everything I felt. He diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I didn't know what to feel. I felt relieved that I finally knew what was wrong with me. But I was also scared, scared about my future.

The psychiatrist gave me medication and therapy. At first, I felt better. The voices in my head began to subside. I could sleep better. I started to interact with other people again.

But then, the medication wore off. The voices came back, even louder than before. I felt hopeless. I thought I would never recover.
I tried to commit suicide. I didn't want to live with all this pain and suffering anymore. But I failed. I survived. After that suicide attempt, I was admitted to a mental hospital. There, I met people who were just like me. They were struggling with their mental illness, just like me.

We supported each other, strengthened each other. We learn to accept ourselves as we are, with all our flaws and strengths. I don't know what the future holds. But I know I'm not alone. I have friends who will always be there for me.

I may be crazy, but I'm not alone.