Regardless of interpersonal communication, between partners and relatives, in fact, many people often encounter this kind of situation, feeling that they obviously cherish this relationship, and have worked hard and hard, but they still cannot establish that kind of relationship with each other. Absolutely open and undefended intimacy.

On the surface, they are all good, but they know each other very well that there is always a small distance between the two people, and I don't know where the problem is.

When you can't find the root of the problem, then it is easy to attribute the problem to your own problem, and then deny yourself, doubt yourself, and wonder if there is still not enough.

What is intimacy?

Intimacy originated from the Latin "intimus", which means the innermost, deepest, deepest, and most private, so intimacy is a relationship that is shared, trusted, open, and undefended.

The formation of this kind of relationship should not be deliberately pulled together, otherwise it will only be counterproductive. It is best to bring some accidental and unknowingly.

So when you encounter this situation, is it really a problem that you don't have this ability?

Inability to establish an intimate relationship with others, the problem often lies in three places!

1. Being too good will not give people a real feeling.

To put it simply, you care too much about the other person, too much about the other person’s feelings, and then in the process of getting along, it is a situation of turning around the other person everywhere, do not hesitate to wrong yourself, try to get the other person in everything satisfaction.

Even less dare to share your true self and experience, for fear that the other party will not like to listen, or for fear of causing opposition from the other party.

It seems that there is no problem, and you can speak and do things impeccably, but just because you have done too well and performed too perfect, you can't give people a real feeling.

It feels unreal, so it is almost certain, the other party will instinctively guard, so you feel that the distance is so small, you can't get closer. Imperfection will give people a simple sense of reality, but this is not for you to get up casually, but for you to learn to share.

The most important step in establishing an intimate relationship is to share your innermost content with others.

The innermost content includes sharing of true self, sharing of true emotions, sharing of true experience, sharing of true experience, etc.

Then in sharing again and again, gradually narrowing the distance between the two people.

I don’t want to talk to the other person about anything. I just put my superficial effort into place, and people can easily feel it, and then they will have the same attitude towards you.

It is impossible for you to establish this kind of intimacy with everyone, but when you truly recognize a person, you may wish to be bold. Even if the other person does not respond, you will not lose anything, at least you have worked hard and cherished it. The premise is that you have to see that the other party is worth it.

2. Some distances are opened by myself.

No one is confused. In fact, everyone has a scale in their heart and their own feelings. It's as if a person's feelings for you and whether they trust you are too clear in your heart.

Sincerity and trust are things that everyone can clearly and directly feel.

So don't be smart, thinking that you are a good pretender, and if you do the superficial skills, you can gain the trust of the other party. To gain the trust of the other party, you can only exchange your trust.

Whether it is the establishment or maintenance of intimacy, trust is the core foundation.

Many people wait for the other person to trust themselves first, and then decide whether or not to trust the other person, which will make the relationship awkward and indifferent.

Once this happens, it is almost impossible to get closer and pierce each other's hearts like nails.

Including the sharing of true self, many people feel that they are only willing to share with each other when they trust each other. In fact, true trust is gradually cultivated through sharing.

He didn't want to expose his shortcomings to the other party, so he was forced to wear a mask. Don't he know that once the mask is put on, it will be difficult to take it off.

Trust doesn't have to be the absence of secrets, nor does it reveal your own savings, but to make the other person feel that he has a place in your heart that is recognized by you.

3. It is true that it has an intolerable problem.

It is impossible or difficult to establish an intimate relationship with others. If the problem does not lie in the first two points, then it is basically a problem of oneself, which is unbearable.

For example, the personality is too weird, or there is a problem with character, or the requirements for people are too harsh.

Not to mention the establishment of intimacy, there is no way to get along with each other directly. The establishment, development and maintenance of any relationship is the most important factor to feel at ease with each other.

A very simple sentence.

If you can't get along with one person, it may be the other person's problem, if you can't get along with two people, or it may be the problem of two people, but if you can't get along with three people or everyone, it's your own problem.

In addition to character issues, it also depends on whether you know how to tolerate others, or whether you can count on accounting for a few things.