I Was A Tired Student

Image by Alinka from Pixabay

I remember waking up everyday just wanting to lay down and not do anything. I didn't want to read, I didn't feel like studying and I didn't feel like doing anything. That's to tell you how burnt out I was from all the challenges I faced in school.

A normal school day started from 8am and ended at 5pm but I would get up as early as 3am, so that I could study. By 6am I would be done studying and start preparing for school. All the while sluggishly. I continued this routine till I graduated from high school and my body adjusted a little bit. Till today, I wake up by 3am and I'm still unable to sleep again even if I count 10 000 sheep.

While I was at school, the classes were fast paced. I wasn't able to keep up. Writing notes, completing assignments and finishing up group projects plus extracurricular activities that I didn't even enjoy. We would write long amounts of notes, draw many diagrams and navigate classroom to classroom. Due to the large workload, I wasn't able to focus. My mind was always here and there. I tried focusing on one thing at a time but would always end up doing nothing because I was worried about other important things too.

Talking about focus, I already had a duel with focusing even before entering high school. We weren't friends even till today. I would fidget a lot, misplace a lot of items, forget small details and was always looking for something to eat. It was affecting me a lot and I wondered if I had ADHD. I did a lot of research and even some online tests just to confirm my suspicion and everything just confirmed my inclination that, yes I had ADHD.

Because I couldn't focus for long, my morning sessions were affected. I would try to study and after 30 minutes I got bored. I began to use the Pomodoro technique which helped a lot. The Pomodoro technique involves using a timer set to 20 or 25 minutes. While the timer is still on, you use that 25 minutes to study and when the timer runs out you use 5 minutes to take a break. After the break, you continue studying using the 25 min timer. You continue for four sessions until you take a 15 min break. You can do up to 10 sessions provided you want to focus for a long time. This technique helps improve your focus span.

Along with my inability to retain focus, I was forgetful. I forgot assignments, deadlines and key areas I was studying. I tried rereading the material and it helped a little bit but I enjoyed using the Feynman technique better. It involves reading a material, then trying to explain the material as if you're explaining it to a toddler and then writing what you explained. If you're unable to explain fully, it means there are loopholes in your understanding of the subject and you'll need to repeat the process. This technique helped cement my understanding of various topics in the sciences.

Like many other students, I had issues with fitting in. I was the quiet kid who really didn't talk much and was the teacher's favourite. And I absolutely hated it. But I guess it was kind of good now that I think of it.

My classmates wanted to grow up real quick and they did things only young adults would do. I don't want to mention some of the things they did. But it kind of fits your imagination.

Also, the few friends I had would get pissed with my tomboyness. I didn't fit the stereotypical feminine picture. I don't have the very well desired figure eight body structure which makes me very self conscious most of the time. I hated parties, makeup and talking about boys. And they kind of respected that but they kind of avoided me and didn't want to be seen around me. So to everybody, it seemed like I was an introvert. I am not an extreme introvert, I'm in the middle–an ambivert.

One of my biggest problems was my social anxiety and my inability to effectively deal with rejection. I tried to avoid everything that meant putting me in the limelight. But I wasn't going to be left alone because my school decided to make me the head girl. I absolutely hated it. I wasn't able to control the junior students or help them in any way. Though I had ideas, the school wasn't ready to spend money on projects that didn't matter to them. So I just spent most of my time alone. I appreciated it sometimes and hated it sometimes.

I felt alone because most of these problems were just foreign to my classmates. It seemed like they just didn't share in any of my struggles.

The last year of high school was the most challenging because all of the problems I mentioned before seemed to target me all at once. There were practicals to be done and key topics to be mastered. By this time, my focus had improved a bit and I had tried to master the fundamentals.

It was also difficult because of my career choice. My parents didn't approve of it. They didn't want me to become an architect.

They wanted me to become a doctor. My teachers wanted me to study medicine. And I would have no choice but to take the exams because they didn't see the future of architecture in a country like Nigeria. They saw the needs of people dying everyday in the hospitals and many sick people who've been given the wrong diagnosis. It was overwhelming. And I became depressed.

"What the hell's architecture?
What benefit does it give to Nigerians?
They don't make any money.
How will that help our situation?
Does it help remove us from this bad government?"

I became confused and I just didn't feel like doing anything. I waited for God to tell me what I'm meant to be. But he didn't tell me anything. I understood their concerns and the struggles Nigerians go through every day but I didn't know how to memorise plenty Latin names and functions of every muscle in the body plus I was forgetful. How would I attend to a patient and still have to skim through my books because I had forgotten what the diagnosis was?

I decided I'll try and see if God wants me to be a doctor. And I failed. I was just at the cut off mark and the university didn't give me admission. So I tried again but with architecture this time and I'm still waiting for a reply from the university. It took the bandwagon of my brothers and sisters to convince them to allow me to study this course. Though they still don't approve of it, they let me do whatever I want.

That was another problem. Career guidance.

I had run into science class thinking, "O yes, this is where I'm meant to be". I wanted to be an architect since day one. But that stemmed from my desire to create beautiful things. Things that would make people happy. I was told that I was creative but I never believed it, even till today. I liked building cardboard houses and anything at all from cardboard. And I also like perspective drawing. I just wanted to be an artist. And nobody saw that, including myself.

And as for ADHD, I am almost sure that I don't have it. I just had difficulty with concentration and not finishing what I started. I would consult a medical professional in the future just to be sure.

If I could start all over, I would stop comparing myself to other people. I would learn to appreciate myself just the way I am. Learning that mistakes are not bad and focusing on improving myself, taking it one step at a time. Accepting what I can't change and changing what I can. I loved school until high school and I would try to make my university days more memorable.

Dear student, I've said one thing throughout this write-up, and I only understood it after graduating. Take it one step at a time. Your life isn't made in one day. It's a process. Happy studying.

If you want to know more about Feynman technique, here's a helpful video explaining what it is:

And Pomodoro technique:

What challenges did you face while in school? @lawlet @zimbaybee @onwulam

@muhammad-ahmad @wakeupkitty.pal