Too Late To Be In Love Again

There was a time that I found friends online better than those friends I have in person. I am a friendly person but I don't have many friends most especially during my childhood days. The more when I became a teenager. My mother didn't allow me to go with friends going elsewhere. I always staying at home, helping them . I had friends from school only.

I got married at 18 years old, the more
I have no time for friendship. I got married earlier but we were not a lover. I became a mother. My life went on serious condition. We worked hard to earned for our daily needs . We need to be responsible for our only son. Then, our life experienced a tremendous trial that forced me to work abroad. It was the decision of my husband. Though its hurt, I agreed. My life is different from others. Sadness became a friend of me whatever I did. I am not a bad person but always been in trials. I put everything to God. I prayed, I cried, He helped me finding solution.

For seven years of togetherness, we were separated because I need to work to solved the existence problem that time. I worked harder full of sacrifices until now. After working here for seven years, my husband died leaving our son at 14 years old. It was a cardiac arrest. Three months before his death, he told me to stay in the Philippines and worked together again but I insisted to continue working here. My son needs financial support for his studies. After that, he died.

I stayed single since 2004, I focused myself to be alone. It's too late to feel regret why I denied his pleading to stay . I doubt for it . It was far beyond my expection that he would die too young.

I kept on working , isolate myself from boys and never thought of getting married after his death. I was still young at 34 years old widow until now. I focused in helping my family, my siblings for their studies. I am the eldest among siblings . No one could help my parent. They were just an ordinary farmer. Three of my siblings finished their studies and work with their profession. My son also finished his study and got married. I have two granddaughters.

Lately, I felt emptiness to myself , I want to have someone who would love and care for me. I am not expecting to feel this way. Why I wasted 20 years of being single ? Now that I am already 54 years old, realize to have someone in my side. Honestly, I would like to tell you that I learned to love again . It is too weird feelings. What is bad is that I secretly being in love . No one knows it . I am shy and afraid of falling in love again. Imagine, the man who became my husband was not my lover but I learned to love him for our child. Now , I knew how to love to someone but its too late. Too late and yet never see each other.

It's too late since he is younger than me. It's too late since I am too old to fall in love again and it's like a first love in my life . It's too hard to define this feelings because I am not sure how he feels for me. I don't want to ask for more assurance and obligue to love me the way how I love him because it's too late. He born too late and came too late! Love that bloom in my heart , too late!

That's all! Inviting @wakeupkitty @jurich60 and @godlovermels20.

Steem On!

@olivia08