Why i don't want to get together with someone that left even when friends help out

I gave her my best ( attention, time and genuineness) , but she still left.
I still wanted to be friends because I was using time to win her heart.
She was not ready nor gave me a chance.
She didn't want to talk to me anymore.
It was obvious that she wanted to end it with me.
I lost her, my friend whom I used to talk to everyday.
Was our friendship not worth your time to talk things out with me?
After telling me that you don't feel the same, why can't I still talk to you?
You could introduce someone else to me to in order to get my feelings off you.
Can you not help shaping me into a better attractive man?
You might like me more or prepare me for someone else.
Leaving me with questions makes me bitter and regret that I should have so much more to win your heart before confessing.
You know that I was proposing and that I was serious.
Leaving me so that you will not further lead me on, don't you think I get that part?
Can we not more forward and keep growing as friends?
Ending everything there means that you will not see whom your friend has become.
Those wounds you've caused fills me with strive to make more money, become a better man so that you regret leaving me.
You might be blind for not seeing what I can become and felt that you no longer want contact with me nor see any interest progressing our friendship.

And now even if friends try to bring us together, I still question what you want.
You didn't want the me back then, whether you were blind or not.
I am more mature now and I'm in my prime, better than I was before in every way.
I am actually still the same person as I was before from the inside.

Friends that help bringing us together isn't a relationship I want because this doesn't come from you directly.
An organized marriage is not genuine, but a mere duty.
Friends do not want to fail at coupling two people.
I do not want you to come back to me because I am better than the time you left me.
I still find you attractive, but I do not think that this is the kind of marriage I need.
Because you left me before, I think you will leave me again. Even if we don't get divorced because of friends overseeing, I doubt that you will still love me when our friends aren't there.

I want to marry someone with whom I went through hardships, still sticking with me even if I made the wrong move confessing me feelings.
Others will not be in our relationship so I will see how much you do like me or not. I don't want to this chance.
Everything will seem lovely dovely when a lot of friends are helping bringing us together.
That is not love, but a project I have no interest in getting.

You might have given the choice to choose someone better over me.
Don't come back to me after leaving me for someone else.
Even if you didn't have someone else, don't come back to me.
You could have kept me at your side, shaping me in anyway until either of find someone else.
I still want to be friends though, but I no longer want to push anything further than that because you made your choice back then already. Time might make me change my mind, but that will be a very very long time because my wall has been raised.

This whole scenario is still a blur, I'll rewrite this better the next time, when I figured myself more