NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN, JUST ACT INTELLIGENTLY LIKE THIS MAN.

A man went on a night out with his friends, his wife was furious and tells the kids that when he comes back, they must not open the door for him.
At about12 midnight, the man comes home and knocks at the door, the Wife tells him "Go back and sleep where you're coming from", then the man answered "I'm not here to sleep, I'm here to collect condoms in my room on top of the table or give it to me yourself, there are lots of women at the party!"
The wife opened the door and said "idiot" you're not going anywhere!

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Funny but it's not actually advisable to try that in your home, your life may absolutely kill you.