I Refuse to Hold Back On My Talents Just Because the Payouts Seem Low

in #funny8 years ago

Enough is enough! I... am an artiste!

duckfat.jpeg

Producing poor quality posts to coincide with poor quality payouts is also known as...

Poor Quality Attitude

No Sir, Ma'am, It, These, Those and Them Over There. I, @nonameslefttouse The Writer/Artist Himself, will not be falling into this spiraling death trap of despair. Nope! Not having it!

As an artist only capable of producing the best of the best while all at the same time thinking fuck all the rest, I have a particular standard of quality that must be met at all times. I have an image to maintain. People from all over the world believe in me and have trouble thinking I'm nothing less than the best and I refuse to let my people down!

I've decided, working for money is for chumps! Money can't buy happiness unless the only thing that makes you happy is a new Ferrari, three Vegas hookers and a bag of blow! I don't need any of that shit anymore. Did you know, they keep food in dumpsters behind fancy restaurants like Subway? I swear, it's true! Go have a look for yourselves and dive right in. I'll save you some lobster.

After My Hearty Meal Last Night

I've decided to pull out all the stops and just go for it. I can't let these minor payouts become a major issue while the power of my brand slowly spins around the toilet along with the fiery shits I've been taking all day due to something in the dumpster not being quite as fresh as I thought it was!

In between potty breaks and a few harassing phone calls from my fancy debt collector friends, I managed to find enough time to produce another high quality piece of extravagance known all over the world as my unique style. So without any further delays, I present to you...

This

elafint.jpeg

It will be here, on display, all week. I do hope you and yours can find the time to come witness this future piece of art history.

Thank You


TL;DR

  • It's an elafint
  • I am a self-taught professional

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Credits:
All images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
"...because everyone likes a pompous prick artist!"
[email protected]

©2017 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.
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This elafint drawing is computer generated with software, I am 99.999% certain.
look at the lines how they match...
@pfunk @cheetah can you please investigate and flag this plagiarist ....

Edit: nvm found the original one myself
elafint.jpg

I'm sorry! It'll never happen again! I can draw all kinds of aminals! I'm real!
tiger.jpeg

See!

Ok since you have proven your talent, you are pardoned.
I can tell your style is heavily influnced by The master himself, Joseph of the late 20th century

I have been a huge fan of The Joe for many years. I first found out about the guy from a pamphlet I found on the ground inside a bus stop downtown. I was hoping there was money inside. What I found was so much better than that. I have a shrine and even made this with my own blood in his honor.

theking.jpeg

Shit! It's the cops!

Well, I just don't know where to start with this post and its comments, but feel it's necessary to clear some things up right from the start.

  1. Duck fat is the most delicious cooking fat you can use
  2. Fats ducks are just, well, sad, but maybe not as sad as starving ducks
  3. Fuck dat is a very necessary part of anybody's vocab
  4. Wasabi peas are the most disgusting food on the face of the planet, and anybody even thinking of feeding them to ducks is guilty of gross cruelty
  5. And while we're speaking of gross animal cruelty, you know how I feel about cruelty to donkeys. The same would apply to cruelty to elafints. Or fishes. Or ducks. Or bears, especially Pooh and Giant. Or really when you get down to it, peas. Do you think peas want to be coated in something as disgusting as wasabi? I think not.
  6. What the fuck was I talking about?
  7. There was a point, somewhere. I think...

hahahaha...I can't breathe....hahaha...hold on I might be able to respond to this...after I change the undergarments I may have peed in a little....

Make sure you keep those undies. Once you're a world famous author and your books have been made into a record breaking series of movies, people will pay good money for them.

Ewwww, have you seen the show Orange is the New Black? Ewwwier, lol.

Yes, that WAS what I was thinking of :-)

  1. I take my plain, in a bowl, and eat it with a spoon
  2. Everyone forgets about the ducks in the middle.
  3. Agreed
  4. My ducks are picky eaters too
  5. I'm not ready to apologize about the donkey yet.
  6. Just read it again. That's what I do when I forget. Some call it studying... I don't.
  7. Looks like about seven points to me
  1. Exactly! When a bit of duck fat just happens to fall off the spoon, into my mouth, on its way to the roasting pan, it's much tastier than lard.
  2. Are you not acquainted with ducks? Even middling ducks don't let themselves get forgotten. Have you ever noticed how ducks just casually wander past, as if they're going somewhere else, and you're just on their way. Just in case you happen to have some tasty niblets you might have otherwise forgotten about.
  3. Good to know we agree on something. Though we can still be friends, even if we agree on nothing else. Can't we?
  4. Wasabi peas do not fall into the category of tasty niblets
  5. Maybe we can't be friends after all
  6. Thanks for the tip, that could be useful
  7. Oh good, I feared I had degenerated into a mindless rant
  8. I had a maths teacher called Mr Duckworth (no s) once
  1. It's the new peanut butter
  2. Pretty sure I know a thing or two about ducks.
    WIN_20140703_114905.JPG
    When they go out for a stroll, they own the road.
  3. I think so
  4. I'm only pretending to know what those are, to be honest.
  5. Damn
  6. All tips are useful.
  7. Composure. It's all about keeping your composure
  8. Was he a quack?

Pretending to know what those are? Sacrilege on both your heads! Wasabi: Japanese horseradish, color green. Hottest horseradish on the planet (though some wasabi peas are weakly coated and very unsatisfying) Will make your nose burn to the point of near pain and your eyes water, but a euphoric pain, lol.

One time I was at a get together with a few friends and saw these things that looked like interesting crunchy snacky things. Everybody was eating them, so I popped one in my mouth. WTF? This tastes disgusting. And that was quite apart from the heat. So I actually do wonder whether it was off, cos it did taste like rancid vegetable oil smells. Or is wasabi supposed to taste like that?

No, definitely not rancid. Actually, the only reason I like wasabi peas is for the coating, and many times they don't get it right. Though if you don't like horseradish you probably won't like wasabi. It's the hottest horseradish there is. Though it's different than the average kind because it has a kind of sweetness to go with the burning your nostrils and eyeballs out, lol.

Are those your ducks? I thought you had chickens but didn't know you had ducks too.
Composure. Yes. Breathe in, aaaaaand out, aaaaand in...

Just a few ducks. More turkeys than ducks and more chickens than turkeys. Laying hens of course. None of these birds live the nasty life you see in the anti-meat eating videos on youtube either. They all walk around and just do their thing until it's time.

Just how it should be for all creatures including us. Just walk around doing our own thing and minding our own business, till it's our time.

I'm re-reading and still laughing, but I can breathe now! Well done Deb! And well done @nonameslefttouse for your post giving me my hilarity fix a second day in a row, LOL!

Duck fat...lol...this giantbear fell down like a fat duck yesterday...

Do you think that counts as cruelty towards a bear? Because I specifically forbade that.

Oh @kiwideb I believe that this definitely counts as cruelty towards a bear! This bear was exploited to the entertainment of others. It was a total crime the way humans were laughing at this bear while she lay there vulnerable in the rain;)

And who was the cruel person who spread the duck fat on the pavement for bears to slide about on? Oh wait, possibly I got hold of the wrong end of the stick on that one. Oh wait again, I think I might also have jumped to incorrect conclusions about there being a stick for prodding bears.

This cracked me up! Well done! I admire the photoshop, or Microsoft Paint, skills.

Hey! Thanks a lot. I was hoping to get a few chuckles out of this. As for those mad skills I demonstrated there... Trust me! It's harder than it looks! I'm sure a kid could do a better job, but those are accidents!

The writing/drawing of letters is always the hardest part to me. And good luck trying to produce a circle that doesn't look like an ellipse or a rectangle.

You could almost be as famous as me! That's pretty damn good. I think I'm jealous.

Keyword: Almost. Following you!

Keywords... that's another thing I excel at. Thanks for the follow. I'll do the same. If you want to see some real art and feel more entertained, feel free to browse my great selection. There's something there for almost everyone.

I knew it! This is so enberessing! I think I'll crall undar a rok and di now!

Bean a riter I tought I kuld help

Me got no riter abalateez. Kood kawpee/payst, butt kant reed eeder.

So I sea...it's abilatese!

I really wanted to say something about Duck Fat, but I keep laughing too much to type. There I got through it...now what was I going to say about it? What the hell can you say about it LOLOL

Well... it's Duck Fat. I thought it was self-explanatory. It made so much sense at the time. Now I'm starting to question my sanity again. Why the hell does it say Duck Fat? Help me out here!

Because it's funny? Some two word combinations are just funny, no explanation required. Like... Ogre Toes.

Funny? I was being serious like I always am. Duck Fat is a major concern and I felt it's necessary to help create awareness. I suppose if I said Duck Fat Fund you'd laugh?

I am a monster. I am completely insensitive to the obesity of ducks. Not only am I laughing at duck fat fund, if I saw a duck fat fund I would steal it! And buy...wasabi peas!

Do ducks eat those too? Duck Fat Food Fund.

Oh hell no. I am not sharing my wasabi peas with any ducks.

That's when you say Fuck Dat!

Ewww. Wasabi peas are the most disgusting things on the face of the planet. Or maybe I had one that was off. How could you even think of poisoning innocent ducks with them? (see my reply directly to the post)

Passing off sozzled donkeys as elafint's now? Wait...I think I've seen that before...it's a heffalump! LOL (For those who do not know what a heffalump is, then you clearly missed out on the greatest cartoon in cartoon history as a kid, because that cartoon? Is the shit...or more accurately the Pooh)

This elafint(am I spelling that right? Seems to be underlined again for some strange reason) and that donkey are unrelated. Besides, I murdered that prick months ago.... I mean... He moved away! Lives in a mansion by the sea.

Oh no, deb is going to sob again! He meant mansion by the sea, he really did!

More like swimming with the fishes! Speaking of which, I think I'll do another one of those soon. I'll dedicate it to Deb so she feels better!

Splendid idea, she will definitely feel better...wait, fishes, what? Deb, cover your eyes!

you show those pricks the way of the true artist :) self-teach them all :D

Some self-taught service to society!

te best karma in reddit was some shitty watercolors :D soo I think you need to teach that guy some moves :D I mean grooves :D

Do you water down your vodka? NO! So why are these so called professionals watering down their colors!

Pfff!

hear hear
take that

Fother Muckers

Well holy muckin shit. Where the hell did you come from? Haven't seen you in ages! Did you come for the Duck Fat?

pretty much.
had a car accident on my bday. And my new job kept me busy as well...
As for new job, there was just too much druggin and boozin, so I decided Duck Fat

That's not the best news but you're still around to tell the story and I'm sure I'm not the only one who is happy about that. Probably best to turn your back on the substance abusive types as well. I can relate to that and it always sucks when people can't learn how to separate work from play. Duck Fat was a good idea.

I thought so too!
aw gosh!
feelin loved and special now!

You breezed in breezin! I love it when you do that ;) Thank goodness you can do that...whoa car accident on birthday, not cool!!

haha glad that I have these lovely people whos lives I have the priveledge of breezing into such as yourself!

I'm not even sure what I'm doing but I'm turning that Steemit wheel until I figure it out.

You're lost on steemit so you came to duck fat? hee hee, that's perfect. This is the place to be marky ;)

Since I have this strange habit of saying the first thing that comes to mind and since they don't let me sing here and since I can't sing anyway....

This

WOOOOO!

I think you just found the steemit theme song, LOL. "if you come down to the river, bet you gonna find some people who live, you don't have to worry, cause you have no money, people on the river are happy to give..." hmm, maybe I'll make a quick whiskey wednesday post about this...

Okay, I keep editing it a little...it's almost good now, lol. I think you'll appreciate the add ins.
Oh, something I meant to tell you about, there's a new ongoing contest called "originaltag" Basically you make the first tag original, put whatever other tags you want except the last one has to say originaltag. Then they have a place in chat where you post it.

Damn. Elafint would have been perfect for that. Thanks for the heads up. I took a little look-see at your post. Thanks for the props!

The goal is to say or read or think Duck Fat enough times that it stops being funny...and then one more time because it will be funny again, lol!

You're right, elafint would have been perfect, sorry I forgot until I made my tag for whiskeywednesday. The cool thing? When I was first here, using an original tag for a post was a guaranteed way for it NOT to be seen, lol. But now? Well the time of night will hinder it a little, but once you have a following you can use all kinds of silly first tags as long as you use some main ones after that, and it's not a problem.

Hey! Another laugh. Today is a great day to be an artiste!

Right? Who can not LOL at duck fat? Someone with no sense of humor, that's who. hee.