_{Have you heard? @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself has gone completely bonkers!}

Free votes for sale!

Free votes for sale!

Free votes for sale!

Have You Heard the News?

^{Free Votes for Sale!}

Good afternoon, morning, evening, night, day to you Sir, Ma'am, It, These, Those and Them Over There.

My name is @NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist/Entertainer Himself!

Isn't that exciting!

I'm here today to announce something very special.

Please go back to the top and read all of the parts where it says, "Free votes for sale." This way, I won't have to write it all down again.

Thank you.

"But What's the Catch?"

^{"This sounds too good to be true!"}

Why? Am I coming on too strong?

Should I tone it down a bit? Come down a few notches, perhaps? Simmer down, maybe? Chill the fuck out?

I can't. You'll just have to deal with it.

There's No Catch Either!

^{...and how do you expect me to stay calm at a time like this!}

I just jizzed in my pants!

I'll clean that up later though. It's time to get down to brass tacks here. We have work to do. Time to pull our socks up and get with the program. Time to get our heads in the game and keep our sticks on the ice.

So what the hell was I talking about...

^{Oh yeah!}

If you were able to battle through that bit of chaos without rolling your eyes, sticking your nose up in the air, acting like your shit doesn't stink, thinking you're somehow above all this; you might be what I'm looking for. Did I use that semicolon correctly? Fuck I hate those things.

But I'm learning!

^{Are you learning?}
Patience. If you think you have what it takes and you're interested in purchasing one of my free votes, you're going to need a lot of patience. An entire shit-ton of patience. That's some heavy-ass patience. You'll need to be able to lift it, then carry that shit around with you wherever you go. Don't drop it, ever. As soon as you bend down to pick it up...

Bow-chicka Wow Wow!

^{Your prison fantasy comes true.}

Everything you just read was some strange form of free-writing combined with improvised comedy. If you think I actually put a lot of thought into that, you'd be mistaken and that's okay. We all make mistakes. Ask my mom. She'll tell you all about me... I mean, mistakes. Wait, no... never mind.

Just then, I added self-deprecation humor to the mix. Did you notice?

Do you have it in you to act as ridiculous as I am acting now, or maybe even push it further? If you can make me laugh, I'll let you buy one of my free votes.

Deal?

 
Also, I enjoy art. Maybe you've seen some of mine?

^{Spider Splat Spider Splat Does Whatever A Spider Splats}

That one is brand spanking new! You've never seen it before. It's what happens when I think about what it would be like to be driving along one night, minding my own business, then all of a sudden... Splat! Spiderman, all over my windshield! Then I thought turning the wipers on and spraying it with a bit of bug juice might help but I was wrong.

Two more from awhile back.

Showtime

Choke the Chicken

Clearly, I'm an outsider artist. I appreciate a work of art more if it comes from someone who shares a similar background.

Outsider art is art by self-taught or naïve art makers. Typically, those labeled as outsider artists have little or no contact with the mainstream art world or art institutions. In many cases, their work is discovered only after their deaths. Often, outsider art illustrates extreme mental states, unconventional ideas, or elaborate fantasy worlds.

That's what Wikipedia has to say about outsider art.

It sounds like it was written by an insider to me!

I'm sitting here, working my ass off, trying to get noticed... and that explanation up there tells me to go kill myself instead!

Thanks Wikipedia!

^Jerks!

I never liked labels anyway. I used to consider myself to be a free-thinker until I noticed there was an entire group of those too, and they were all thinking the same way.

Anyway.
If you only came here to purchase a free vote, there might be something wrong inside your head. Why would you purchase something that is free? A few screws loose, perhaps? Maybe a couple eggs short of an omelet? Who knows!

You're not wasting your time though.

I'm looking for people, like me. You can purchase my vote simply by putting in some time and effort into your blog, getting my attention, showing me something cool or making me laugh. If you can combine it all and be the proverbial one-man band like I'm attempting, my mind would be blown and you might even make a new friend!

Hooray for Boobies!

^{Oops, I meant buddies!}

It breaks my heart to see some people actually purchasing votes. I'm willing to undercut all of those services.

Keep in mind, I certainly can't vote for everyone and all of the time.

If your work isn't original, you won't be seeing my vote.

I'm an established veteran here on the site. My vote is worthwhile, especially to you new, up-and-coming stars. I'm looking for new people to follow on a regular basis, but I can't see you if you're hiding. I can't see your talent if you've put it on the shelf for safekeeping while you attempt to follow the herd and write boring essays about the history of Bitcoin either.

That's all this was about.

Have a nice day!

_{Warning: If, for some odd reason, you decide to send me money instead of actually reading this post, I cannot guarantee a refund. If you get a refund, the memo will say, "Idiot! Pay attention!" I insist you keep that for your records. Do not send money and expect a vote. This was designed to be humorous, and tagged accordingly.}

Credits: _{All art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me. "Wait a minute. Does this fruitcake have booze in it!" [email protected]}

^{© 2017 Two Insanity Productions. All rights reserved.}Follow @NoNamesLeftToUse^{(Click the link for previous posts!)}