Forget KYC... Make sure you KYE (Know Your Exchange)... Big Brother is watching your Bitcoin
So I’m at work, minding my own business when I get an email from Bitstamp.
It starts well enough.
We received your withdrawal request and instructed our payment department to process it. You should receive an additional e-mail notification once funds are sent to the specified bank account.
Great all those bitcoin’s I converted to fiat - in a blind panic at the prospect of China banning everything crypto - have made their way safely to the bosom of my bank account. Good job Bitstamp. Now scurry away, I'm busy.
Then the email took a turn for the worse…
As our compliance department requires some information about the nature of your relationship with our exchange, we kindly ask you to answer the following KYC (Know Your Customer) questionnaire to the best of your ability:
We’ll as it’s your own compliance department, you can do want any good company does when they get a request from compliance. Press delete. Why let red tape get in the way of a fruitful relationship? Afterall, did I not provide ID and proof of address? It’s not like I’m the most difficult person in the world to find. Why harass little o’ me with information requests?
Anyway I was expecting a question or two… Instead I get this full blown questionnaire. I have taken a first stab at some replies. Anyone got any better suggestions (as I'm struggling to take this shit seriously)?
1. What is your current occupation?
This relationship isn’t starting off on the right foot… aren’t you going to ask my name first? I see your game... you think I've come into a bit of coinage and you want to 'get to know me better.' Well this ain't 1985 and I ain't Zapp! You ain't getting no computer love from me!
2. What is the purpose of your Bitstamp account? Please describe in as much detail possible how you use your account.
Hmm… let me get this straight. You’re offering a service and you’re asking me the purpose of the service you’re offering? After using you for three years now, what do you think the purpose of my Bitstamp account is for?
3. Are you using your Bitstamp account in connection with any business/commercial or gambling related activities? If so, please describe how?
Alas my friend, life is one big gamble, don’t you think?
Anyway, doesn’t having a Bitstamp account count that I’m sending bitcoin to and exchanging for fiat count as a commercial activity?
4. Do you have an established relationship with any other bitcoin related services/exchanges? If so, which?
Oh my, don't you sound like the jealous type! Well… I once had a fling with Mt Gox, made love to Mintpal and had a crush on Cryptsy. Are you implying that “we” have an established relationship? If so, you may want to reconsider… you can see how my relationships tend to end.
5. What is the origin of the BTC deposited to your Bitstamp account? Please provide supporting documentation that clarifies how BTC deposited to your Bitstamp account were/are being acquired.
Ahh, you’re making this too easy for me. My BTC originated from Satoshi Nakamoto. Please see link to his Whitepaper as supporting documentation.
6. Which bank account(s) do you intend to use for deposits/withdrawals to/from your Bitstamp account? Provide complete account number, owner information, bank address and SWIFT/BIC code.
Hmm… let me see. I’ve already deposited and withdrawn money to the same bank account… I wonder where I intend to send my next payment? Got it. Make it out to;
Account owner: Father Christmas
Address: Santas Grotto Bank, Lapland
SWIFT/ BIC code: 25-12-0000-RUDOLF
7. What is the estimated amount you intend to deposit/withdraw to/from your Bitstamp account per month?
Who-the-fuck knows… this is Cryptocurrency? In a few months it may go to pennies and I could barely withdraw enough to afford a pizza!
In all seriousness – I get where they’re coming from. If I’m going to withdraw using legacy gateways, I’m going to have to deal with bureaucracy. However freedom of finance is coming whether banks or governments like it or not. I know, I know KYC and anti-money laundering jazz. I mean it's not like Gangster, Terrorists and Fraudsters haven't been washing money for decades? I mean using Bitstamp (having provided their personal details) seems the perfect way to move illicit funds!
Just be mindful. If you're thinking of withdrawing to fiat choose your gateway wisely. Big brother may not be watching but his minions are certainly gathering data in case he comes a calling!
Just... Bitshares DEX.
Indeed.
Buy some bitUSD/CNY, wait the panic out.
No need to go back and forth between the legacy system and crypto.
@nanzo-scoop, something to consider for next time :)
Fiat is a necessary evil sometimes. I don't like to be over invested in one asset class. Some things, e.g. property can only be purchased with fiat currently.
Not if you work in financial services, where the compliance department is keeping your board of directors out of jail ;)
Yep.. I should have really added my 'not financial advice' disclaimer! ;)
All these exchanges have gone crazy. Itbit and Coinbase as well. They want to make sure you are using the platform to trade and not simply use to cash out coins or something else: in other words, they want to make money for any trades you do. If you answer the wrong thing they will kick your account off their platform. Again, they've gone postal.
This is certainly what I'm thinking... they want to get their pound of flesh, in terms of trading fees. Someone using their exchange to simply exchange crypto to fiat and vice versa is probably seen as more of an inconvenience than a customer.
Definitely seems that the world of cryptocurrency and all it's annomytity is going to go out the window. Every governing body across the world wants their cut and wants to know what their country's people are doing. I wonder if we can ask them what they are doing with their money? Can we as the people of the said countries be able to inquire how they spend not only tax dollars or contribution but even go as far as asking to see their personal checkbook or retirement plan? I along with everyone else is pretty sure how well that would go
LOL some of those questions are ridiculous.Some of the cryptos that offer debit cards are starting to look better and better the more stuff like this goes on.
Yeah TenX looks very nice
and @neoholder - ooh thanks, I'm a newbie to crypto, I'll check out TenX
The demand is very hight for TenX Debit Cards , they have a long waitlist :) Maybe you will get your card for christmas :D
What about Monaco cards (mona.co)?
I'll certainly be taking a closer look at crypto debit/ credit cards!
Seems like a lot of questions just to get some fried chicken... I'll take 2 biscuits with my order Big Brother. If you aren't outraged then you aren't paying attention. Comedy helps to cope. Thanks for sharing.
Jesus we need decentralisation now! Also I bet you're British from the way this article is written- "Good job Bitstamp. Now scurry away, I'm busy." Brilliant :D
Yep... there are some traits that you only pick up in the UK!
Regulation and compliance are facts of life for exchanges or any other businesses operating at the fiat/crypto interface.
However, what you have described does seem very intrusive and beyond what is necessary.
Hopefully, the day will come when using crypto for everyday purchases will become the norm and exchanging in and out of fiat currency will be a thing of the past.
Thats the information a government like USA makes exchanges ask for, or will lock them in a cage, unfortunately. There is not much an exchange can do about it or they would have to close their business.
Yep, you're right... I guess I shouldn't shoot the messenger.
"I once had a fling with Mt Gox, made love to Mintpal and had a crush on Cryptsy."
How cute to hear that lolz:)