Erchivo and the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Disaster
My name is Erchivo. Some say I’m a man. Others believe I’m a goat in disguise. All I know is that I have two great passions in life: eating and… well, eating more. And that’s how I ended up starring in the most embarrassing moment of my life at the “All-You-Can-Eat” Buffet.
It all started when my friend Flaco gave me the tip: “Erchivo, I found your paradise. You pay once and eat until your body gives out.” His words brought tears to my eyes.
When we arrived, the first thing I saw was a huge sign that said: "No wasting food." I smiled with confidence. Don’t worry, guys, I’m here to make history.
PHASE 1: THE WARM-UP
I started light: twelve empanadas, a plate of nachos, three burgers, and a liter of soda. Everything was going perfectly—I felt agile, light… well, maybe not light, but still had plenty of room for more.
PHASE 2: THE FINAL BATTLE
Then, I saw the Meat Station. That’s when I knew I had to go all in. I loaded my plate with ribs, fried chicken, and—of course—a little salad to balance things out (because health is important).
Everything was fine… until the Buffet Manager started watching me. He stared at me as I grabbed my third plate of meat. By the fourth, he whispered something to a waiter. By the fifth, a chef came out of the kitchen and started praying.
And that’s when I felt the signal.
My stomach let out a demonic growl, the kind of sound you hear in volcano documentaries right before an eruption. I froze, calculating my chances of survival. Fatal mistake, Erchivo.
Sweating, I tried to stand up and go to the bathroom, but with my belly the size of a yoga ball, I crashed into a table full of Jell-O desserts. Everything moved in slow motion: my belly bounced, the table tilted, and within seconds, a tsunami of green Jell-O covered the buffet manager.
Silence.
Children cried. Women screamed. A waiter made the sign of the cross. And I, lying on the floor like a fallen bag of potatoes, could only say:
"So… does this mean I can't have dessert?"
We ran out before they could charge me for emotional damages. Since that day, my photo is posted at the entrance of the buffet with a sign that says: “BANNED FOR LIFE.”
A misunderstood hero, but with a satisfied stomach.
beeeBeeeBEEEEE
