Democrats Hold Conference on Income Inequality at Versailles

The Democratic Party, composed of exquisite gentlemen of the finest breeding, met today in the Grand Ballroom of the Versailles to discuss income inequality and the future of the party. The Baroness Pelosi (D, CA) delivered a speech at the symposium. Stating that something must be done for “the unwashed masses” the Baroness, dressed in the finest livery, delivered a program to win back the vote from “the rabble” in the 2018 mid-term elections.

The Grand Ballroom, a most beautiful place to look at and adorned with every device of decoration that taste and skill could achieve, hosted some of the most prominent leaders of the party. The Marquis Perez (D, MD) gave a very elegant and well-reasoned speech on the commoner vote before taking his chocolate with the aid of four strong men besides the cook. One lackey carried the chocolate pot, a second milled the frothed chocolate with an instrument he bore for that function, a third presented his favored napkin; a fourth bored the happy chocolate out.

Count Schumer (D, NY) having just arrived from the Comedy and Grand Opera with the most delightful and fascinating company strode confidently through his rooms toward the lectern in the Grand Ballroom. What followed was a 50 state strategy for reinvigorating the party. Count Schumer delivered the address before an audience of military officers destitute of military knowledge, naval officers with no idea of a ship, civil officers without a notion of civil affairs and a half a dozen quiet and craven men with a vague conception that something was going wrong. After a round of uproarious applause the Count declared, “The Earth and the fullness thereof are mine, saith the Senator”.

Departing from the palace in his horse-drawn carriage with great haste, Count Schumer enjoyed a whiff from his snuffbox while the reckless coach driver ran over a peasant woman and child.