Make a wish
6 months ago Mike ask me to write a story. We took a walk around campus that night. Why? Cause he's worried. He felt I'm diving head first into depression. Was I? Maybe, maybe not. Well that's not the point today.
He told me to write from two POV's. Who I am and who I wish to be. Hearing it for the first time, it sounded nice, though I barely paid attention to it.
Few weeks ago I was reminded of the same idea. It felt more intriguing to me and I decided to try it out. Turns out it wasn't as easy as I thought.
To write that story I have to lay myself bare. I have to strip away all my lies. My fears. My dreams and my pains.
That story would require me to reach into the deepest parts of my soul and touch things I'd left buried.
I don't fancy things that are done half heartedly. At first I'd wanted to make it simple. Write about where I'd rather be, what I'd rather do. But then I got stuck on the question; who would I rather be. To answer the question I have to know who I am.
Like most people if I'm asked who I am I'd say my name, age, nationality, educational qualifications and whatsoever. But that's not the question I'm really asking.
When we strip away all those things, and nothing left. Who are you? I now know why it took me so long to attempt the story. It's because I didn't know the answer to that question.
Do I know it now? Not really. Do I wish I do? Most definitely. But it's going to take more than a wish to find out. When I get the answer I'll be able to write that story
I finally understood why he asked me to write it. I guess he hoped that once I've faced the parts of me I choose to avoid, I'd feel better. He gave me a mirror and a map. The mirror as a means of self awareness. The map as a means of guidance. And I'm taking it this time.
Picture by Pinterest
The hardest thing is to figure out who you are and what you want. I doubt I ever did (typical things you have to write essays about at school, from primary school on. No way I would do that, not for all gold in the world. I learned that people, teachers included, will never take me serious and will whatever I want, talk or beat out of my head).
The only thing I learned through the years is that I change, my interests can, my jobs do and my joy does the same. What remains the same are strong dislikes and if I know them, can list what I why I automatically know the opposite.
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