Love? Maybe! Unapologetic? Nope!

P.S. What you are about to read are raw, unfiltered and unedited thoughts. Read at your own risk😉.

Have you gotten to a point in your life when you feel the love you felt from others or the love you got from your friends and family decreased drastically? Nope? Really? Yeah? Okay! I have been there! For real though, I've been through that phase and it's indescribable.

Well, a part of me says the fault is mine because I'm an introvert and I tend to be drawn to myself 99% every chance I get. Those who know me know that I always give an excuse when I'm invited for an outing or a program or anything that has to do with social life. Please forgive me my sins🙏😄. More to the point, socializing is not my thing, and I doubt if it will ever be. I've tried working on it for years but looks like my introvert nature has got me on lock down.

But I feel that my family and friends should have put in more effort in order for me not to feel the way I felt, you get me? They obviously know the kind of person I am, so at some points, I try to meet them halfway or sometimes, go all out. Why wasn't same done for me? Well, maybe I was selfish and did not trust them enough, or I was not accommodating enough. Maybe they felt i was a burden. Maybe, just maybe.

That not withstanding, my type of life cost me a lot of good stuff. I mean, I lost good friends (lots of them), I lost love (I hope to touch on this one day, maybe), I lost joy, I lost myself at a point in time. I held on to past relationships and friendships because I figured they were my lifeline. I cried. Oh I did cry, real hard. My pillows needed drying in the sun everyday at a point. I was depressed. I was diagnosed for severe depression and not a single person knew about it because I masked it well. Remember my first post about pretence and disguise? Yeah, right! But this is who I am and I won't apologize for it.

To those who caught on the vibe and stayed, y'all are the MVPs. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My emotions are all over the place right now so I'm off. I don't want my tears staining my page😂.

I love you.