HOW I DEAL WITH MY STUBBORN FAMILY

I came home from work today and was surprised to find that there was a party taking place inside my little sitting room. One thing rang in my mind as usual and I thought it was a surprise party organized for me. My wife Patricia was so found of siding with my children in organizing such black mailed so called surprise parties especially when she wanted to win my favor or request for something. But this time I was wrong, it was a thanks giving party for junior my son. He had finally crossed the bridge after repeating middle class for more than three times. This called for celebration, Patricia was right.

Junior is not good in class. To me he is more of a comedian than an academician. This is why one day I got into an argument with his mother. I told her Uganda’s education system should emulate other countries. Children should be given the liberty to specialize in their talents immediately when noticed. I gave her junior as an example.

What was the use trying to make lawyer, doctor or whatever from junior if the boy can easily crack a joke than differentiate A from B at such an age and in that class? Why am saying junior is a good comedian is because one day he sat on the bed watching his good mother paint her self in the name of making up. After she turned around and asked, “junior, how do I look like?” as if junior is her boyfriend. Junior told her she was stinking. I think the boy didn’t like her fumes. He further asked her if she had bathed? to him the paint on her face was looking like dirt. She rushed a way and almost broke her leg. You know she’s not used to putting on high shoes.

I suggested to Patricia that we enroll the boy in a comedy academy. She asked me if I had herd of one and I ignored her question.

I am a very busy man. Not that I have a busy schedule at work, but that is what I have made my wife believe, so I can dodge her interrogative questions when I come home late, so I can spend enough time with my friends rumormongering, drinking, arguing about arsenal and Manchester as if we have ever played in the teams or been to either emirates stadium or old Trafford.

My dear wife does not complain. She knows I am a very busy man and she understands. One day I came home, bumped into the house staggering. She kept quite but very early in the morning when I was leaving for work she asked me if our boss had resorted to buying us alcohol in the office instead of tea one of these days. I told her how beautiful she looked that morning and she smiled, forgetting everything. This was my usual trick. Women like being praised.

In actual sense, my wife Patricia is not all that cute. I married her by accident, or may be because she accepted me the way I am, probably because I am also not that attractive. You can say we were all desperate. One day a friend told me our children look like baboons. I told him my wife cheated; those kids are not mine. Fool, I thought in my mind. Does he think a dog can give birth to cats?

Once in a while when I am free I spare sometime to be with my family trying to play the responsible father I am. This weekend I had decided I was going to help Junior with his homework. It was our new strategy to help him cope up in class with the other fellows who were young than him but were performing better. I called him and sat him on my lap, picked his ice cream stained book-this boy likes ice cream more than his books, this is what is killing him, I thought. Never the less, I ignored that. To work we went.

The first question went: Name one source of water. He was looking at me smiling. I could read his mind. He was seeing words like some scratches by a hen on wet mad; he can’t read. It was wise that I helped him, which I did. In the options was: lake, bore hall, well and pot. I asked Junior to give his opinion and he stared ahead of me, as if seriously brain storming. Seeing how hard the question was to the boy, I simplified it this way: “Junior where do people fetch water from?
“Okeyyyy!!!” he screamed with excitement and shouted “in the pot.”
"Junior you mean a pot is a source of water?" I asked.
Yes father, if you’re arguing go and try, see if you won’t get water there.
I told myself; logically this boy could be right. The question was open. It wasn’t specific, it wasn’t asking for natural or artificial sources of water. It was general. I was impressed. The boy was learning; he was improving.

We moved on to the next question and it read: which road sign helps us cross the road safely. The boy was quick to respond, “Look left, look right, look left again and run.” He said, with excitement in his eyes thinking I was impressed. I disagreed and tried to explain the question to him. I told him it is not asking of how to cross the road, but the sign that helps us cross it safely. But he insisted his answer was correct. Trying not to waste time, I told him the answer is “zebra crossing.” Junior burst into a laughter that embarrassed me. On asking him why, he insisted that zebras are only found in zoos and games parks. i I would have slapped him it was not for his mother’s intervention, whats the matter? Why are you being so harsh with the boy.” She asked
“Can you imagine Junior has failed to answer a very simple question!!!”
“What’s the question let me hear it.”
“Which road sign helps us cross the road safely?
“You mean this boy cant answer such a simple question?”
Yes I exclaimed, hoping I had got her favor.”

She looked at Junior with wide eyes and said “what do I always tell you to do when your crossing the road?” she Inquired.
“Look left and right, left again and then run.”
Now why are you failing to tell your father that? I couldn’t believe my ears. She proceeded, you see, I always tell you that every day now it has come in your homework and you had forgotten the answer. Next time it will come in your examinations and again you will forget!! Will you??
“No mother.” Said junior sobbing, looking at me with I have defeated you look. I was dumb folded.
On the day I married Patricia I was demanded to pay three extra bulls. Her parents claimed these were to compensate them for educating my burden of a wife. If only I had known that she is just a primary three graduate!!!!!
I silently walked away and left them to finish with the rest of the questions.

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