Failed Diets and What Happened: #3 The Celiac Diet

I was reading a lot of stuff about Celiac syndrome and all the symptoms seemed to match, so the easiest way to test it was to go off of gluten for a month and see what happened next.

• Diet name: The Celiac Diet
• Who put me on it: Paranoia
• How it's supposed to work: Gluten causes a whole bunch of weight problems in Celiacs, so it has to work on an undiagnosed person. Right?
• Length of time I kept to it: Exactly one month after I started doing it properly.
• How I fared on this fare:

Gluten-free food sucks arse. You can't have bread. You can't have porridge. You can't have pasta. You can have rice, and there's an astonishing array of gluten-free cereals that all tasted worse than the cardboard they came in. You can't even have peanut paste.

Going gluten-free was abject misery for me because I was missing out on deliciousness. I have a soul full of sympathy for the Celiac people who have no choice because that life is just plain miserable. I was ready to be off the diet after the second day. But I stuck to it and revealed -tah dah!- absolutely no change in my overall health.

The only way I could survive the cereal was to drown it in honey before I added the milk. It was just nasty all around.

• The Exception: Chocolate is my life. Chocolate is my soul. Chocolate is love.
• The Failure Point: Gluten-free imitations of fully-gluten products taste exactly like shredded cardboard mixed with desiccated coconut and stirred with someone's month-old running sock. That's it. I didn't want to be on this diet for any longer than I had to be.
• End Result: AN UTTER CRAVING FOR TAKE-OUT AND ALL THE BREAD I COULD STUFF MYSELF WITH!
• Retrospect Analysis:

If I wasn't fixated on finding gluten-free replacements for my diet mainstays at the time, I could have changed my life. Even using olive-oil margerine. I was so close to being Keto and not knowing it, but I missed that mark by not investigating other ways to make meals.

Of course, eggs were a no-no at the time, so that avenue was lost to me as well. If I knew then what I know now about zucchini noodles and riced cauliflower... But I was constantly exhausted and just plain not ready to change my lifestyle.

Next disaster: The "Celery And--" Diet.