One Less Dream, One More Nightmare :: 50 Word Story Challenge
This is an entry for the Fifty Word Story Challenge coordinated by @jayna.
The prompt this week: field
As @jayna informed me last week, although we don't necessarily have to use the prompt word in the story (the prompt word can just be an inspiration or a theme for the story), I feel I want to try my best to incorporate the word in the story in a normal, realistic fashion.
I sighted down my rifle.
Clear the town. Kill the enemies. Go home.
The war was done. I was done. I wanted to go home.
There. Someone running. Just a shadow in my rifle’s field of view. I pulled the trigger.
A girl tumbled to earth amidst her pink dress.
Title image by @negativer using Canva and Pixabay image.
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AAAaaarrrggggh!
Too damn good not to upvote! But, you dropped me with the little girl... :O
😄😇😄
Sorry for that. I was sad as I wrote this. So many lives are lost for no reason at all, completely random, completely arbitrary. It's unfair, but of course nothing in life is fair. :(
Yes, I feel that sadness pretty much daily myself.
No apologies necessary, my friend! You and your writing are appreciated!
Ditto that!!
Neg, you sadistic author, you, always gunning for the reader's heart -
AAAaaarrrggggh!
Thank you, Carol, for the affirmation... :D
Dang it, @negativer! That's it. It's time for you to get a lobotomy that makes you have only happy, pleasant thoughts!
But seriously, this is powerful and well done. Now... I'm imagining that the little girl has a mere flesh wound and the soldier is going to have his eyes checked and be much more careful in the future. There! Fixed up that mess!
It's possible your ALTERNATE TIMELINE of my story is what actually happened. You are free to believe! :)
Thanks for reading!
Yes, it's kind of chronic with me! Thanks for letting me have my way with your ending... at least in the safety of my imagination.
Jayna, I love your solution! :D
THANK YOU!
Ha ha! Thank you, @creatr. We all have to do what we need to do to manage the crazy things that go on in our brains! 😊
After reading your story, I just realized how relevant, informative, enlarging... can the title of a story be. When rereading the title, the story gained a deeper meaning.
Great story!
I'm so glad you got some extra value out of the title. In this case, it does kind of frame the story in a little context, maybe adding some extra depth. It's not cheating! :)
Thanks for reading!
Ha ha ha of course is not... and I liked it a lot.
What I felt was that before reading the story the title kind of frames it, but... the extra depth is given just when rereading it, due you can truly understand what it means.
You are welcome!
I thought exactly the same thing, @ficciones. The title has much more meaning after reading the story. (I suppose that is true of many stories.) I read many of these 50-word entries multiple times, and this is one of them. Even though it's hard to stomach, it's so powerful and well done. @negativer is a true artist.
Isn't it amazing when we strip language back to how much can be said in such little time. It makes me think of that Hemingway piece in one sentence showing the power of simpliticy.
I agree. This challenges are a great excersice of expression.
Great example the one of the shoes... I had forgotten it. Thanks for sharing. I think I read somewhere that is attributed to Hemingway.
Yes it is, I did say Hemmingway wrote it, but maybe I wasn't clear. It's funny how much we can express with just a few words.
Omg you are right... You were very clear, was my mistake. Don't really know what happened with my reading and ideas there...
That particular sentence is brought out as one of the best examples of ultra-short fiction. There's a 10-word story challenge/contest going around right now that offers that as a prime example. 50 words is hard; I've not done 10 words, but I'm not sure if it'd be harder or easier.
Thanks for reading!
I’m new to #fiftywords but learning my way around. Careful crafting of the title, as you’ve done here, can really enhance the whole. In my imagining, unlike @jayna, little Muffy isn’t getting up. This is well done.
offers a sad nod to @ducksaplenty
Aye. Thank you, my good lady.
Ah ha, so you’re in cahoots with @negativer! Well, I suppose since he’s the author, he does get to decide how his own story ends. Kicks a rock. Fine.
I do appreciate your attempts at uplifting us to less sad plateaus. I, on the other hand, am called to the do opposite.
tug of war ensues
Clap along if you feel happiness is the truth! Clap along if you feel that’s what you wanta do! (Disclaimer: these are the words randomly populating my head and may not match the actual lyrics.)
Boom! Somebody died. Better get some more carpet.
I dunno. Barely an area rug, in this case. (harsh, sorry, not meaning to offend anyone reading this comment)
The story I'm writing right now...um...I'm gonna need a carpet factory.
Oh no! I'm scared!!
Why?? Why would he do that?
It's just a shadow in his scope. He made a mistake, and the nightmares afterwards will be his.
Great writing @negativer Difficult to read, a harsh reality of the brutality of war... With the advances in technology and weaponry, some suit in Washington can now make these life and death decisions with a click of a button.. What kind of world have we created?
It's a lot easier for the suits to push buttons than a man on a field to pull the trigger. The first guy gets paid, the second guy gets nightmares.
Thx for reading!
Well said @negativer
This is literally a story version of the lyrics to "Hero of War" by Rise Against. I'd seriously look it up brosky.
Weird, I've never really heard Rise Against until the last week or so, and now I've had them mentioned to me twice in the span of a couple days.
Reading the lyrics, you're right. My 50 word story tells a similar tale.
Rise Against was, like, my first favorite band. They're kinda the reason I started writing music and really getting passionate about writing. <3
Maybe it's a sign homie. Listen to "Siren Song of the Counter Culture" and become one of us (dons cult robes).
The moment the trigger got pulled by the spirited man in me, my eyes looked so intense, my heart became weak, i looked further and see nothing, then i opened my eyes, then i hear the salty shane man calling me up from sleep...