Thanks for the feedback and advice. As you said I broke this story up into two post due to the length of it and because my pictures (simple portraits of the characters) weren't particularly interesting or illustrative of what was happening in the story. At nearly 5000 words it just seemed too long for one post and I don't really know how people feel about reading "long" chunks of text without illustrations.

I don't intend to post any serialised fiction to Steemit. I intend to write many short stories (3000 ish words or so) all set in the same universe. They're obviously interconnected and I hope that if I get some readers who like my work they'll be able to get a feel the recurring characters but that's about as deep as I intend the serialisation to go. I do hope that this won't be problematic, my main goal for Steemit is to write fiction that people enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.