In the warm embrace of Dee
I met Dee when I was at my lowest, and we kinda hit it off immediately, since then we've been best of friends. He was someone I could rely on, he knew everything about me, like everything.
From something as trivial as my underwear colour to something as severe as my fears,my secrets (we were that close).
My best moments were the ones I spent with Dee. I didn't like going out, that would involve me actually meeting people and facing my insecurities ( no can't do).
So whenever I went to work (a place where I felt under-appreciated and un-loved), I just couldn't wait for the time to speed up so I could go meet my Dee. You could say I was addicted to him.
I just wasn't comfortable in the outside world, felt I didn't belong,wasn't beautiful enough (I didn't even feel beautiful) and Dee understood all that. He was very sweet this Dee of mine. He would wrap me in his warm arms and tell me how this world didn't deserve me, how I shouldn't even have been born, his voice as sweet as honey. In his arms I was introduced to booze and drugs, ahhhhh those warm comforting arms!
Now I was definitely in another world! I didn't want to leave this comfort zone, but then again had to wake the next day and face reality (the outside world).
There were times when I was in the comforting embrace of Dee he'd whisper something about suicide. I'd think about it too, once in a while. He had often told me to cut my self too.
I actually liked that. The way the blood, so red like a red rose on snow, gently trickled down on the white tiles, the colour contrast so beautiful. Then this soothing and calming effect that comes as the blood drains out until I pass out.
Suicide looked way better than booze and drugs, oh it was so tempting especially when I was in the warm embrace of Dee.
Then one day, some group of people came to talk to me about a Love so Great no man can phantom, the Love of God and I realized Dee had been lying to me all this while (better still I allowed him to). I saw things in a new light.
And so I went home to end things with Dee, it wasn't easy, after all he had been my only companion for a long time.
He laughed and said I wouldn't last a day without him. He decided to refresh my memory about my fears and short comings Incase I had forgotten.
He opened his arms so I could walk into his warm embrace. Oh I practically ran into his arms for that soothing hug, ALMOST. I almost did it was tempting really.
But I looked at Dee one last time, smiling, I told him I needed him out of my life and never wanted to see him again. He didn't see that coming but the look in my eyes and the firmness in my voice told him I was serious.
That was the last time I saw Dee, I still think of him though but not as often but I know with time he would cease to exist in my thoughts. I also realized Dee didn't have any control over but I allowed him too, I actually gave him the power to dictate my life instead of the other way round.
God loves you unconditionally, you should never undermine yourself, your worth. He has given you the power to control what goess to your thinking centre.
You determine your happiness, do not allow depression eat you up. And if it reaches a point you can't handle it on your own reach out to your pastor, counsellor, friends or mentor, just reach out to someone. SAY NO TO DEPRESSION!
Photo credit: facebook@drasky