Age Before The Messiah - Part 30
I woke up, clung to my outstretched hand, found the foot of the stirrup with my foot, which my rescuer forsook prudently, pulled myself hard, collapsed across the horse's back like a captive, and grabbed a bow. The trampled earth, the bodies, the broken armor - all flashed before my eyes, I expected that and I would fall, and my knight, though in an uncomfortable position, sat in the saddle more than confidently and did not even think to use the reins, dispensing almost alone only shankel. For fear of falling off at full gallop, I did not dare to release his palm, and when I looked at her, I froze - on a pale brush I saw a spider, a divine symbol of Askhi...
The teacher lifted me and put me in the saddle in front of me. He held me strangely - hugging his shoulders from the front, almost by the neck, as though deliberately avoiding touching my body. However, this unusual hug was strong enough that I was not afraid to fall, and the obedient stalk took us farther from the ill-fated castle.
They met us with reverence, and the living ones - even with glee. I wanted to jump to the ground as soon as possible to save the complaisant horse from the excess burden, but the lord stopped me:
"Wait, child."
Turning to those who surrounded us, he spoke exactly, as always:
"Help the mistress to go down and take him to the healers. Careful! She's hurt."
"Wounded, Sire?" I was surprised.
"You were hit hard, child, did you forget?"
So that's it! That's why he tried not to touch me. What happiness, that his disgust was not the reason.
The teacher did not worry in vain - when they took off my armor, they saw that I had really suffered, but, praise of Ashe, there were no fractures. My superficial wounds were closed and healed quickly, and soon I was again beside my lord. However, I was tormented by a severe shame for my inattention, which almost cost me my head and troubled my mentor. Outwardly, he remained, as usual, unperturbed, although he did not say a single word to me, except the most necessary.
I'm angry - so I thought on the battlefield. I'm angry, I realized, noting that he never addressed me on the way, thinking about something. It was also a blessing that he did not remove me from the campaign at all...
I'm angry - I lamented, lying in the tent and giving rest to the exhausted body. The teacher did not blame me, did not deprive me of my authority and trust, it seemed that everything was in order, but something tormented my soul intolerably. O Asha, do you know what is with me? What did I survive when I saw, as it seemed to me, a black knight in a hurry to help? Why could not I let go of his hand, clinging to the best of my ability, and he did not take it away? Why, when he pressed me to himself, when I realized that he was very close to me, despite all that was happening, pacification condescended, why I calmed down, completely trusting him?
Why is his anger so terrible to me? I want to be the same as he is, so perfect, and this is allowed to strive, then he is my mentor, but why does it hurt so much when it does not work out for me? Why is it so hard for me if he sees my failures? Why does my soul reach for his soul so much, and sometimes it seems to me that he too... But no, it can not be that. Who am I to him? A stupid girl, a traitor student. It would seem, what does it matter what he thinks of me, and I have a deal, and it's so difficult for me ... How can I express to him the depth of respect? How to make it clear how much he is dear to me? Asha, our true mistress, you know all the secrets, help me, explain to me my pain...
At that moment, I again remembered for some reason how I held the teacher by the hand and what feelings possessed me when I realized who was saving me. Gratitude, relief, fear and ... About Asha! Almighty, is it possible? How now to be me? And if he finds out and finds for sin what I feel? However, can this be a sin, even if you yourself chose it! Is it surprising that for your faithful he means so much? Truly great, noble, wise, pure, faithful to you - could I not wish to become akin to this soul? I will serve him as before, but it is better for my own free will to accept the final death for his sacred purposes than I wait for him to expel me...
"Ornella, can I come in?"
"Yes, my lord!"
Vladika Arantir looked into the tent:
"Did you take a rest, my child?"
"Quite, teacher, thank you for your concern."
I did not know how to tell him about everything. About my respect, how grateful to him, that I'm afraid for him and sacrifice my life to help him... Instead, I could only say one thing:
"Teacher... Forgive me. Sorry…"
My mentor paused, and then said:
"There's nothing for you to ask for forgiveness, child, you are innocent, but you should, at last, learn to be cautious. Let's go to my place. We will outline the plan, see and discuss exactly where you made a mistake in the fight, you need to understand this, - with these words he left me alone."
"We're not responsible... we'll sketch... we'll discuss... He does not get angry. O Asha, what happiness, that he is not angry with me! I jumped up, hurriedly shod, ran out of the tent - and almost knocked the teacher off my feet. It turned out that he was waiting for me outside."
"Oh, my lord, forgive me again, I'm so awkward!" I was ashamed. For a few moments he looked at me carefully, as though studying, and after a careless gesture he took my apologies:
"Come on, Ornella."
He went to his tent, his steps were light and almost soundless. I obediently followed him and furtively examined the person who lived my soul. My teacher, my mentor, my patron and friend. A black knight who saved an innocent girl from the clutches of monsters...
Asha, thank you. For him it was worth dying.
