Good work. I think I have a good idea where this is going...
I'd say there are a couple of points that could use some elaboration. I'd have Melchior overhear snippets of conversation instead of simply stating that he overheard the guards talking.
Likewise, the section where he researches the star can be used as an opportunity to build up anticipation. I'd have him scour the archives frantically, point to obscure references to other books, dig deeper and deeper and draw more connections until that moment of epiphany when he discovers the true meaning of the star.
These are just minor details, though, and I look forward to the next installment.
Thank you.
I appreciate your critiques. I am trying to become a better writer, so all the critiques help. I think I am finally figuring out where my flaws are, so they should start disappearing (I hope) in future pieces.