CPS / Foster care agencies and their "rules" about children's toys
The last years, I've heard ridiculous stories about CPS pointing out that somethings are not correct, and it should be different. I didn't have this issue myself at home with my 2 oldest children, but I know from a real close source that they can act stupid about these things. This post contains 2 separate cases, with completely different people, the last story is my own experience with my two oldest children.
An old friend of mine is the little boy in this case
The parents of this boy had taken a little girl in their family when she was under the age of 1 year. The couple only had one son (my friend), and after his birth they wanted the boy to have a sibling to play with. But the woman could not get children herself anymore, so they were looking at their options to adopt a child. But this is not that easy, so they decided foster care would be a good option. This little girl was born in a situation with parents that actually could not take care of her, and the mother did not even want her. They know this for sure, because even though this family had taken her in as their own child, and loved her a lot, foster care would still start court hearings for 12 years in a row. They said every time (how weird is that, if you think of how they usually act nowadays) the child should be placed back with the biological mother. But the mother didn't want her.
Boys toys vs girls toys
As they of course had to write down something against the foster parent, they were looking for stupid reasons. One thing that never left my mind was (we are talking about many years back by the way) that they did not find it appropriate that a girl was playing with car toys, and a boy had access to dolls. Those toys were not allowed to be in the same area, as this was suppose to be unhealthy, according to the employees making the house visits. Of course you can argue about if you find this healthy or not, but I can speak from experience that my girls play with boy toys too, and my boy played with dolls too when he was little.
Lock the bedroom door at night
The thing that shocked me was this, actually. They said this boy is a few years older, and this is a little girl (toddler at that time) and the boy should not be able to go to the girls room at night. So they wanted the foster parents to put a lock on the door of the boy's room. Can you even believe this is an advice coming from someone that is supposed to look after the safety of children? First of all, this boy saw the girl as his little sister from day one, and he was crazy about her since the day she arrived at their home. There hadn't been weird things going on or something to think in this direction. What if the house was on fire at night, and the boy could not leave the room? The foster parents of course refused to put a lock on it, but it never left my mind that they gave this advice in the first place.
But the visits after this suggestion, they had been checking the little girls underwear for blood stains!
I heard this story many times, and I am pretty proud of those two loving parents, about the way they dealt with that agency! They were not to be swept of their feet, and never ever gave in to their weird tactics.
They had their share of batteling against the so called system
They were no friendly people either coming in their house. In the 12 years battle with foster care going in and out of court, they have seen 23 new guardians of the child they took in as their own. And there were only 2 that really acted on behalf of the child, needles to say that these rare 2 good ones, couldn't live with being a homewrecker and quit their jobs after some months.
They gave the biological mother carte blache for visiting her daughter
They never gave up on this child, though. The mother would come and visit the child very rarely, and after there had been numerous court hearings due to foster care agents (which the family always won by the way) they were sick of foster care playing these games. To prove to foster care and the judge (to hopefully end this battle) they told them and the mother that she was welcome to visit the child whenever she wanted. She did not have to make appointments with the foster parents, and she could just knock on the door to see her daughter if she wanted. From that moment this was told to the mother, they have never seen her again. And after a while the battle with foster care stopped, and they could adopt the little girl.
The second case
I never had CPS bother me at home about the toys
Luckily this was not an issue for the workers that visited our house back then, but it could have been, because all their toys were usually not put away seperate after they had put everything away for the day. I did not mind that they both played with some of the same stuff, or the boy with dolls and the girl with cars. So most of the toys were both their toys.
And then the horrible situation ocured that I had to see the children at the CPS office
Because of the whole situation (will not go in to that here) I was only allowed to see the children at the CPS office. The people that have been there maybe understand what I mean when I say those cold rooms, very almost hospital-like. I had actually no clue what to expect, and was very nervous as this always seemed like one of the hardest thing to go through with your children as a parent. But I prepared well, as I had no idea what would be in the room, so I asked the CPS worker on forehand, if there would be toys or maybe pencils to make a drawing. Her answer was: "That depends on the room we can stay in, some have, some don't". I thought this was weird, as I believe those rooms should have enough toys to let the children play with, right?
To be sure I could do something with the children I brought some things to play with
I took my own colored pencils for them with a coloring book, and some blank papers in case my daughter would have her own ideas to draw. And I bought some little gifts for them. A good thing that I took these things, as we sat in a really small room (could barely walk around the table!) with only some stuffed animals there. Not play material for my 6 and 4 year old. So we had a good time anyway, as far as that's possible considering the environment is pretty painful to see the children for a parent.
The second visit we had a much bigger room
And I was pleased to see that apart from my own brought toys and drawing material, there were plenty of toys for them. There were (I believe) 3 big boxes filled with all kinds of toys. At a certain point my son started to play with the racetrack and cars. My boyfriend was supervising him as I was still sitting at the table with my daughter to draw some things. He immediately pointed out the sharp broken corners of the racetrack. This was pretty dangerous actually, a child could really hurt himself on this. But this was not the only thing that was not intact/broken/sharp edges. Actually every single toy in the room was damaged in such a way that this was not responsible for children to play with.
My boyfriend pointed this out to the CPS worker
She said she would make a note, but I doubt if she did this. Weird to think that if they had find these toys at our home in this condition, they would have made a note for sure to point out we had dangerous broken toys. But when it comes to their environment it is no problem?
Conclusion is that I find it hard to swallow the double standards all these government based agencies have. I ask myself, if a child gets hurt at their office, if they will blame the parent that has the supervised visit there? Because I can't imagine them taking the responsibility themselves. Or is it even a twisted game, so they can mark parents as irresponsible, not paying attention enough (some parents have more than 2 children, and only 2 eyes to supervise with) while the toys should have been replaced years ago?
What is your opinion on this?
AnoukNox
It's almost like they have a hidden agenda or something, is it really all about the wellbeing of the children at CPS?!
no, not at all.. double agenda for sure!
It's sad... very sad...
This post was upvoted and resteemed by @thethreehugs. thank for your support of @familyprotection!
that irrational, we all know that children should use toys typified for the other gender because that helps their sexual development, likewise tolerance to social roles
I know this example was years ago.. But still I find it stupid especially the way they brought upt he whole thing. I never had this issue with my 2 oldest when they visited luckily.. never even thought this may be an issue either ..