For my son

Leonardo Valen
Born: 2/14/2009
12:44am
This time 10 years ago I was holding you for the first time - taking it all in- taking you in- holding you close -with your brand new baby scent - your baby soft skin- counting your fingers and toes- your original hairstyle- admiring that your dad and I made you- that God gave you to us. - as you grew inside me I felt you kick and squirm and punch around - I listened to your heartbeat - I anticipated your sound your breath- every line - every expression - your eyes -your hair - your smile-
We named you Leonardo because we knew God was calling courage and bravery out from inside you- we named you Valen because we knew you were to be of integrity - you are our 🦁
We became a family when you were born- holding you in my arms -overwhelmed at a gratefulness I’d never known before as I looked at you- stunned at your innocence- purity- light of life - dependence - hope- more anticipation - of who you are- who you would grow into - you made me a mother- without you I wouldn’t be this role- my new title -mother- so
domestic - primal- abundant- natural - generational - historical- because of you I joined the ranks and legacy of motherhood - for better or worse you and I are in this together - I couldn’t have been mom without you as you couldn’t have been son without me- looking /staring really, at you - memorizing you - well there is no fear in these moments they are sacred.
On the night you were born you bellowed a cry to show us all your pipes- we were witness to your first sounds- once in a lifetime encounter- hearing you -brand new - never been before and never will be again- your notes filling the atmosphere around us - a new but familiar noise that’s meant for us- -call to attention- a genesis for your dad and I - to know you- to be the ones to respond to your cry- then you took it all in just gazing intently - they say you can’t really see as a newborn - but- you were turning your head this way and that with full head control -what!?- and for an hour just looked this way and that side to side and up and down. You were stunning that night - you still have those moments where I see you- all the possibilities the potential- the light inside-
There is no way I would ever give you up/ or give up on you- remember we are in this together you and I- to journey our new path as mother and son as family every milestone for you I celebrate and share the pride and joy- from steps to critical thinking and ideas-
Your baby self was a treasured time- easy- sleepless - full of kisses- snuggles- singing - rocking- napping-
Your toddler self was -sweet -and full of wonder and discovery- oh the light in your eyes! - your personality - meltdowns - praises and cheering - singing- boundaries- self pride -so many “ mommy mommy look what I can do” especially with cel phones -
As a school boy- your bravery started to show - you thoughtfulness to others - kindness - your laughter lighting up the room- your techy skills expanding- running so fast- #thecoolkid- scoring goals
I have loved all your ages so far- all your hair styles - your self presentation/ fashion sense- your joy - and I’ve loved you through every melt down - tantrum- self doubt-. I’ve held you through every surgery - care through every fever /cold/tummy bug- celebrate you at every milestone and achievement - because you’re worth it! Every challenge -each mountain- summer camps -Winter sports - you’re worth my time- worth my commitment - to you- to your future.
I have been surprised with unexpected insecurities that try to shape your worth - believing lies about yourself so young - that you don’t make the cut - these issues cause me to dig deep and seek truth- to love you well- to be a side of God for you to see- to glimpse the future of what matters and direction for you’re specific giftings. It opens my eyes to fully see you as you work it out inside the choices you have to make - to believe- to not- to resist- to comply- to push- to be determined - to procrastinate- to respect- to rebel-
And in the midst of proverbial (or actual) gray hair -screaming matches- tears- feeling failure - more tears- making up- I discover that - you my son- expose me in ways of no one else ever could- my insecurities- shortcomings- fuses- the fruit of my life - patience- my love walk- without my consent you hold keys to my heart - the deep and wide of it - I gave my heart to you from the moment I saw you- sleepless nights for birthday surprises / laying in bed every night planning how to give you the best life I can - working harder for your wants - things never catching my eye becoming targets because of your desire- You opened a new facet of Daddy-God to me- exposing my need to be childlike- you-teaching me - ha!- you like a mirror of my own behavior and actions- and hearing from heaven -and gaining wisdom and revelation about f a m i l y

• I am more broken while becoming whole than ever before - this journey my son- is now passed the half way mark- you are growing, like it or not into a young man- childhood is growing old and adolescence approaching- in a few short years you will be a man. You and I- counter parts in this, God ordained family bond- I pray our relationships strengthens you- I pray it grounds you, I pray our family roots help you stretch into more than you thought you could possibly be- I pray our love for you, our son,gives you confidence to take risks and stand true. I pray you see Jesus- truly meet Him- that He messes you up and you become ruined for anything less than His presence. I pray as we journey out of childhood you remember good and that even the hard days ended with hugs and love and that we always fight for each other not against each other - and that you know I believe in you- day in day out -i am your #1 fan- your potential is limitless- that while you could do anything- He has somethings and plans and destiny for you - and it’s. Secret He will tell you if you seek Him. You can know His purpose for you- you can be confident it’s good and most fulfilling adventures. You and me kid- my first baby-my first son- we experience all these firsts - there’s gold for us here in the now and it’s each other and it’s so much more
• For today, every day, and all your trips around the sun- Happy Birthday my VALENtine