How not to raise a child
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Dear readers!
I tell you that I am not a psychologist, therapist, doctor or anything like that, I am simply a family man.
God gave me that infinite gift of being a father. A son, in my very personal opinion; It is the greatest gift and greater honor that God can grant us as human beings.
I have several friends who, like me, are married and have children. However, sometimes your children have certain behaviors and attitudes that should be controlled or at least observed; in my humble opinion, so that in the future they do not translate into a problem for those parents.
Hence the title of my article, because in the course of my life although I am not a specialist in behavioral development of children, I have received some training to work with children and adolescents; but more importantly, as I mentioned earlier, I am also a father. Below I will comment on some of these attitudes and my opinion of them: ._ Small children (2 to 5 years old) When at that age we allow the boy or girl to do what he wants, without controlling it either; As some of my friends say because they look cute doing that or as other of my friends say, I do not know what to do to control it; I tell them that they should then prepare themselves so that in the not too distant future their children will begin to demand cars, latest generation cell phones, trips and money to spend with their friends. At that age children should receive lessons in respect and control of their actions. They copy what they see. I have several friends whose children at the age of three and four already give them orders, just as they are reading it; Orders And they fulfill them. The moment the child starts screaming, kicking or wanting to hit you, at that moment you should cut and control that bad behavior. If it is not done at that moment, it will not make sense for you to do it later. The child must know why he is being punished or why he is being called. The reason why we should do it at that precise moment is because we love them. If we do not correct those bad behaviors at that age, we will not be able to do it later. For example, I have friends whose small children of three or four years, by rebellion, climb a ladder. On one occasion I told my friend, to be careful with the child because he was mounted on a ladder; she told me to leave him alone, that when he fell off the stairs he would learn the lesson.
Of course, that is not the right attitude, but if a father or mother answers that, you know you're wasting your time trying to explain the danger the child is running at that moment.
As parents we must be loving but firm with our children, treat them with authority, but also with a lot of love and respect; so that in the future they respect you as a father or mother and you are proud of your children.
For example there are times when you will find your children playing in the street with their little friends, barefoot and most likely with their stockings full of mud or mud.
In that moment and I tell you about it because I lived it, you must be full of patience and for the love of God, do not scold your children in the presence of their friends. It really is true that you should call attention to him and most likely punish him. But there is nothing that can mark our children more, than scolding, shouting or insulting them in front of their friends.
We should never tell our children little phrases like, of course since you do not work you do not know how much this or that cost, you are so clumsy that you do not think, do not be gross, you do not realize that those stockings are very expensive. They will never forget those episodes in their life, but the saddest and most terrible thing is when they remind you, Daddy or Mommy, why did you tell me I'm a brute? I'm not a rough mom or daddy, do you? At that moment you (if you are a real father or mother, who loves your children), you will suffer a feeling of remorse and sadness so intense that you will not be able to avoid tears from your eyes, because I experienced it. with my little daughter, and it was terrible. My girl gave me such a warm and intense hug, when she asked me that question that totally disarmed me and I confess that that memory remains in my mind, vividly as if it had been yesterday. Fortunately, it was only enough for me once, to learn that I should never commit that mistake again in my life.
._ Children from 6 to 11 years old At this age, although it is still a tender age for our beloved children; it is the moment in which we must begin to establish more control and discipline in them, since they will begin to have more contact with their friends for example; in day care centers. ._ At this age will start much more often to say (because I have lived many times), my friend so-and-so does this or that thing or my friend zutana has this or that cell phone. They will also tell you that their friends are partners of this or that club, who go to the beach 50 times a year. Anyway, all this will happen because they are CHILDREN and it is totally normal to happen. The detail is that we as adults know how to handle these situations in a Solomonic, wise way.
The first thing I suggest doing, because I have done it and it has worked well for me; is to accommodate the simplicity of children, that is; speak clearly with the truth about their approaches but in a simple way, so that they can understand us. We should never lie to him giving him false expectations or hopes, if in our hands he is not here for the moment, we can please them. However, if we must tell them and make them feel that we are working to achieve their dream, they will be satisfied with that; To know that for you, their dreams are also important. Be gentle and very tender when clarifying your children, traditional beliefs and customs, BUT DO IT !!!. Do not let anyone steal your child's tender imagination. It will be necessary at some point, to clarify to your children the truth about our traditional customs such as, the gifts that the child Jesus or Santa Klaus or San Nicolás brings for Christmas, also the Magi on January 6 or the belief of the mouse Perez when they change a tooth. Particularly my daughter enjoyed these beliefs and traditions, however, since many of my friends with children had very little sensitivity when it came to clarifying this, I decided to do it in a different or special way I would call it, which I recommend.
At 9 years old and before any of his friends told him abruptly, I took my daughter to the place where they sold ice cream and hamburgers. There in that place alone she and I, because her mother entrusted me that it was me who did it; while she ate a delicious ice cream with three balls, I simply told her that God had representatives on earth. These representatives were the parents of each child, for this reason we were in charge of providing them; to the extent of our possibilities the presents that they requested in their Christmas letters. The same happened with the Magi and in the same way with the Mouse Pérez. I remind you, this is my very personal suggestion, it worked very well with my daughter. Remember, our children are the most precious and beautiful gift that God can give us in this life. And they will be our reflection, it is in us that they are good men and women. Our children are our garden and we are their sun. It is up to us that they grow big and strong.
Rinos 2019.